Author Topic: How to deal with dislikes?  (Read 9535 times)

nobody

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How to deal with dislikes?
« on: May 07, 2009, 09:06:42 PM »
Dear friends,
In life we often do not get what we desire and it leads to frustrations and disappointments. However, even greater misery is caused by getting things that one does not want; in other words, not getting something you desire is better than being forced to deal with things that one dislikes (in my experience atleast).

Ramana would probably say "Find out who likes and dislikes" to remedy the problem. But for beginners this is a very hard task.

So please suggest helpful tips to deal with dislikes.

paul

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2009, 03:23:52 AM »
Dear nobody, the question and answer from Who Am I? (Nan Yar?), The Teachings of Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi offers some advice.

18. Of the devotees, who is the greatest?

He who gives himself up to the Self that is God is the most excellent devotee. Giving one’s self up toGod means remaining constantly in the Self without giving room for the rise of any thoughts other than that of the Self. Whatever burdens are thrown on God, He bears them. Since the supreme power of God makes all things move, why should we, without submitting ourselves to it, constantly worry ourselves with thoughts as to what should be done and how, and what should not be done and how not? We know that the train carries all loads, so after getting on it why should we carry our small luggage on our head to our discomfort, instead of putting it down in the train and feeling at ease?

I think it is getting at surrender and trust.

Paul.

Nagaraj

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2009, 09:34:51 AM »
Dear Nobody,

One way which I follow is this -

By understanding, I know and have learned that I am not this Body. I am definitely something different from my body. I don't know Who am I. But I know that I am not the eyes, but I am some thing else that sees through my eyes but does not see and similarly I am That something which is breathing in and out but does not breathe. I am something that feels the touch in my skin but does not feel, etc... Like this I know I am THAT Something Else and DEFINITELY not this body.

When Likes and Dislikes come to me, I just tell to my self or rather remind myself that I am THAT something else (Which is called the Atma) and not this Body of mine. This Likes and Dislikes is not for Me and I am not this Body but THAT something else. By this atleast I am able to handle things better.

I do this exercise of reminding myself that I am something else and not this body. Make of Fake but keep reminding yourself your true nature.

I know by my understanding that my True Nature is devoid of any likes and dislikes. Keep affirming everyday every moment your own True Nature.

Remind yourself What your are NOT. At least we can affirm WHAT WE KNOW - That we are NOT This!

Nagaraj



« Last Edit: May 08, 2009, 09:36:44 AM by Nagaraj »



“You cannot travel the path until
you have become the path itself”
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Subramanian.R

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2009, 12:29:03 PM »
Dear nobody,

Welcome to Forum.  Already friends have given suitable answers.
Bhagavan Ramana has said several ways, apart from finding 'to
whom the dislike arises.'  One more of such things, is that "try to
find God in everybody and every thing."  And you may slowly,
no immediately, start taking the disliked things, objects, happenings also in your stride. This can go hand in hand with surrender.  Try
to find some aspects of liking also in the disliked object or happenings.  Some one comes to your doorstep suddenly, when
you are about to go to bank to do some important work.  You dislike
the intrusion.  Somehow you talk to that visitor for sometime, give
him a cup of coffee and then send him back.  Now in the evening you know from TV that there was a terrorist activity inside your bank and a couple of customers had been injured or killed.  Now, the man who came as an intruder saved you from a probable catastrophe. 

This cannot happen in all cases.  But in many cases it happens.  And
that is my experience.  Finding some aspects of goodness in a disliked object or thing will mitigate your problem.  Once one gentleman who was giving a lot of trouble to the Asramam by spreading false propaganda about Bhagavan Ramana, died.  Every devotee disliked and were inwardly happy about his death.  Next morning, the devotees, curious to know what is Bhagavan's reaction, broached the news and awaited His reaction.  Bhagavan smiled and said after a few minutes:

"O That Ramaswami Gounder!  He was such a neat man.  He always used to wear spotlessly white dhotis!"   

The devotees were wonderstruck!

Arunachala Siva.       

munagala

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2009, 09:32:00 AM »
Lower your expectations. Period.


matthias

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2009, 02:13:51 PM »
in dzogchen you get told very clearly that the arising moment is allready the solution to any problem arising in it, and that anyting arising in the moment is allready free and liberated....

the same is in advaita, no need for any sort of alteration....what is here is allready perfect, even the impression of imperfection is an expression of the self

this mental understanding needs to be deepend and deepend and has to become to one and only mental-view of seeing the world.....

as totally perfect expression of god

I think thats the only thing te mind is good for :)

vinita

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2009, 02:25:51 PM »
what u say is very true, skrudai. however how to REALISE the truth is the challenge. How to be always aware that i am neither the body nor the mind not emotions...???

Constant self enquiry is one of the paths, no doubt,...but then we keep sidestepping the path every so often :(

and that is how we get lost...till life experiences once again show us the way...

awareness is neither of the mind nor the body nor the emotions...but trapped we are in these....

so long as we are trapped...the duality is what we live in...

i have yet to experience awareness / non-duality :(

so i continue to live in a world of likes and dislikes

Subramanian.R

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2009, 04:28:58 PM »
If you consider that you are on a boat, and cross the river,you shall witness both lotuses and crocodiles on either side.  Treat your life
as a travel on a boat.  Watch both lotuses and crocodiles.  You may
like the lotuses and dislike (or even fear) the crocodiles.  But you
are on the safe hands of a boatman called Guru. 

Instead, if you consider that you are on a heavy stone and try to
cross the river, you will see only the sharks and the stone itself
will drown you, because there is no boatman for the stone.

Arunachala Siva. 

matthias

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2009, 06:54:32 PM »
dear vinita....please read the scriptures again and again until your mind is cleared of these doubts...

in fact you are allways a nondual experience....there is nothing accept the nondual expereince and it is this moment...right now is the self, not in some extravagant mindexpanding experience somewhere in the future...

please read your own words:
"i have yet to experience awareness / non-duality"

but the scriptures clearly say that awereness is all that is...

ramana said jnana marga is the way to understand what causes viyoga or seperation...and I think one major thing is the mind telling you that you are not the self...

it is simply awereness...the simply feeling of beeing here and now...we cannot create this, or make it a meditation...it is not possible...because it is before any sort of meditation...

and jet we all have to meditate upon it in a way (paradox), we have to get used to the fact that we are allready selfrealized

in one dzogchen tantra text there is the wonderfull stanza:

beeing born is the achievement of the unbornstate...



vinita

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #9 on: May 11, 2009, 08:32:20 PM »
Awareness ... the awareness within ... that is Brahman. Nothing else.

Dear Silence,

i am aware that i am writing this message....but that is an awareness of the "outside"....not within. You say that awareness within is Brahman. i have no awareness of this...of Brahman. i live in the external world. my internal world is a tangled web of thoughts. i am aware of this. but i am not aware of Brahman.

1. What is Truth?
2. What is realizing Truth?


i dont know what is truth, so i cannot answer u truthfully.
i read about Self, about Brahman, but because i have no experience of Self or Brahman, or the awareness of Truth, there is no realisation of Truth.

Since i dont know the Truth, i remain unrealised.
When i know the Truth, then i may become realised.

:)

silentgreen

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #10 on: May 11, 2009, 09:28:17 PM »
Dear Nobody,

In the shorter term, dislikes can be compensated by introducing things in life which gives inner joy,
that is, if you have 3 pounds of dislikes, introduce 5 pounds of joyful activities...
however the joy should not be of the sensory level but from the heart.
By repeatedly exposing oneself to inner joys, one becomes aware of the deeper self,
since all joy emanates from the deeper self.

This also has the advantage that the outcome of joy is assured irrespective of whether one considers oneself  successful in spiritual pursuits...

Om Shanti ...
Homage to the Universal Being...Om Shanti ... Om Shanti ... Om Shanti ...

matthias

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #11 on: May 11, 2009, 09:47:27 PM »
dear silentgreen

I do not fully agree with your answer...(there is a little thing missing)

what advaita vedanta and other genuine nondual schools say is that this world is allready perfect, and that the self is all pervading and the essence of everything, the essence of all experience....jet it is never topic of experience, therefor the best thing to do is "be silent" as ramana said (this is a way of confronting this world...samsara does not matter and nirvana does not matter, be silent)

in dzogchen you are adviced to create convictin in automatic release....this means that all experince is nondual, and as it arises it is solved...and this special facett of human awereness is slowly more and more in focus with aid of the meditation//nonmeditation, and through reading the scriptures of course...

this moment is beyond samsara and nirvana....or beyond moksha and maya

the thing is if we conciously choose to achieve nirvana....and avoid samsara (that says your post as i think) we at the same time veil the inner direct truth that we are....

mipham said:
black and white clouds equaly obscure the sun

and again

golden chains and hempen robes are equally binding



so of course we have to work in samsara to be better humans....and we should avoid pain and look for more joyfull things(that the nature of our mind and of all living sentient beeings, to avoid suffering and to be happy)....but at least we should think about the nondual nature of everything....

(that was the littel thing missing :) )

Nagaraj

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #12 on: May 12, 2009, 08:12:33 AM »
The more you are identified with thinking, your likes and dislikes, judgments and interpretations, which is to say less present you are as the watching consciousness, the stronger the emotional energy will be, whether you are aware of it or not. If you cannot feel your emotions, if you are cut off from them, you will eventually experience them on a purely physical level, as a physical problem or symptom.

If you notice, people who carry a lot of anger inside without being aware of it  and without expressing it are more likely to be attacked, verbally or even physically, by other angry people, and often for no apparent reason.

Its important to keep track of what's going on inside you at this moment. It is very necessary to focus ones attention internally and feel the energy of the emotion within. There is no need to analyse, just mere watching would suffice.

One of the main tasks of mind is to fight or remove that emotion, what ever it may be - likes and dislikes can be summed up in one term - "pain". Anything in excess is always an imbalance in the emotional energy within. Too much pleasure or too much pain is always an imbalance within. The mind can never achieve its goal - to remove that "pain". all but it can achieve is to only cover it up temporarily. The harder the mind struggles to get rid of pain, the greater the pain. One has to understand that the mind can never find a solution, because, it itself is an intrinsic part of the "problem"

The more practical approach would be to not try or not seek to become free of the "problem". Become present. Be there as an observer of the mind. Be awake, Here and Now.

The greater part of Human pain is unnecessary. It is Self-Created as long as the unabsorbed mind runs your life. The Pains or Likes or Dislikes is always some form of nonacceptance, some form unconscious resistance to what is, on the level of thought, the resistance if some form of judgment. ON emotional level, it is some form of negativity.

The intensity of pain depends on the the degree of if resistance to the Present Moment and this in turn depends on how strongly  you are identified with your mind. That is to say "Unabsorbed Mind" When you are not watching your thoughts - "Not Watching"!

The better way is - the more you are able to honor and accept the NOW - Present Moment, the more you are free of pain, of suffering - and free of egoic mind.

All you have to do is just WATCH - thats all. you don't have to do a thing to solve your problem. Feel the emotional energy within - when you are aware alive watching within, the pain fades away, you are least affected by it.

Accept - Then Act. What ever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it, make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will miraculously transform you whole life.

Every emotional pain that you experience leaves behind a residue of pain that lives on in you. it merges withe the pain from the past. which was already there, and becomes lodged in your mind and body. This, of course, includes the pain you suffered as a child, caused by the unconsciousness of the world into which you were born - that is you did not know to watch within or watch you mind and its thoughts.

The reality is that the "pain" wants to survive, its survival depends on YOU - it wants you to be unconscious - Unabsorbed Mind - Not watching it. It is its food - Your unconsciousness - your remain unawakened! (Be awake, Be alive the moment).

Pain can only feed on pain, Pain cannot feed on Joy - your natural state - state of awaken-ness, alive.

Remember this, the pain is afraid of CONSCIOUSNESS, ALIVENESS, Be here and now. Be the Observer. This means It (Pain, Likes, Dislikes) cannot use you anymore. It can use you only when you are unaware, sleeping, unconsciousness.

WATCH!

Nagaraj



“You cannot travel the path until
you have become the path itself”
[

Shanti

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #13 on: May 12, 2009, 10:27:52 AM »
Dear Friends

I just love this topic.  As Nagaraj had stated "There is no need to analyse, just mere watching would suffice" to me it is part of how i proceed.  At one time i would always chant silently that "i m not this body, not this mind but sat chit ananda; by chanting this, it does not mean that the dislike would change to like, it is just that i am more aware and am able to do as necessary. I would think of Ramana Maharshi and proceed.  The anger that engulfs me at times and i watch it subsides, the relief that i get (i just could not explain) but it is just a nice feeling. This body is my workplace to execute my duties. I have done many wrongs and everytime i think of Ramana Maharshi and become more aware.  This awareness itself is enough to put you back on the right track.

Please forgive me if i have said the wrong thing. 

matthias

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Re: How to deal with dislikes?
« Reply #14 on: May 12, 2009, 11:18:23 AM »
dear skrudai

a friend of mine sat in the presence of tith nath han several times, she always reported a massive amount of tears shed in the time she was in plum village.....

I also love his poetry, so very touching and enlightening

wonderfull that you mentioned him..