The Old Forum dedicated to Arunachala and Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi

General Category => Humour => Topic started by: Nagaraj on October 27, 2012, 07:11:17 PM

Title: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 27, 2012, 07:11:17 PM
One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”


Title: Re: Zen Jokes
Post by: Nagaraj on October 27, 2012, 07:13:59 PM
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.


Title: Re: Zen Jokes
Post by: Nagaraj on October 27, 2012, 07:17:22 PM
A young monk brought two potted plants into the monastery’s garden while the Zen master looked on. “Drop it,” instructed the master. The young monk gently let down one pot. “Drop it,” again ordered the master. The monk let go the second pot. “DROP IT!” roared the master. The young monk stammered, “But… I have nothing more to drop.” “Then take it away,” said the old master, smiling.

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 27, 2012, 07:19:18 PM
A wise old Zen master, very near death, lay quietly on his mat with his eyes closed, all his disciples gathered around. Kneeling closest to him was his number one disciple, a longtime practitioner who would succeed the old man as head of the monastery. At one point the old master opened his eyes, and lovingly gazed at each and every one of his disciples assembled in the crowded room. Finally his glance rested on his successor, and he managed to speak his last words to the man: “Ah, my son, you have a very thorough knowledge of the teachings and scriptures, and you have shown great discipline in keeping the precepts. Your behavior has, in fact, been flawless. Yet there is one more thing remaining to be cleared up: you still reek and stink of ‘Zen’!”

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Jewell on October 28, 2012, 12:29:31 AM
 :D
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 28, 2012, 06:23:15 PM
A young Zen monk was recognized by his teacher as having experienced an initial breakthrough enlightenment (Japanese: satori, kensho). His teacher then told the young man that, for realizing complete, irreversible enlightenment (Sanskrit: anuttara-samyak-sambodhi), he would need to study under a certain wise old master whose small temple was situated in another part of the country. And so the young man set off to meet the old master. After several weeks of travel, he finally arrived at the remote temple. The sentry told him that all the other monks were working at their daily chores, and sent the young man straightaway to the meditation hall to meet the venerable master.

Entering the meditation hall, the young monk espied an old man doing repeated prostrations to a simple statue of the Buddha, softly chanting the name of Buddha Amida (who saves all sentient beings from suffering). The young man was shocked. Having realized from his teacher the basic truth that the Self or Buddha-nature is formless openness-emptiness, utterly transcendent and all-pervasive, he was a bit disturbed to see the old man apparently still caught up in such “dualistic” practices—ritually bowing to an idol and chanting with devotion to a mythical Buddha.

And so he came up to the aged monk, introduced himself, and, from his “truly enlightened” perspective, proceeded to lecture the old man on the futility and stupidity of worshipping mere forms. Finally, his brief rant over, he realized that, having traveled such a long way to meet the “master,” he should probably ask the old monk for whatever wisdom he had to share. “So, old man, what can you tell me about full enlightenment?”

In response, the master smiled, said nothing, and resumed sincerely bowing in gratitude before the statue of the Buddha, gently invoking the Name of Amida on behalf of all beings….

And, in a flash, the young man fully understood the way of true spirituality, and he, too, began spontaneously to bow alongside the old master.

(http://ismiseez.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/zen_rocks.gif)
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on October 28, 2012, 06:57:04 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. Enlightenment need not come in the way of Jnanis exhibiting bhakti. In fact, the entire Arunachala Stuti Panchakam,
was composed by Sri Bhagavan after Self Realization.

Whenever some devotees used to bring vibhuti and kumkum, from temples of Madurai, Chidambaram, Tiruchy etc.,
He used to receive them in all  reverence and apply them on His forehead. So with Ganga jalam or Rameswaram
sea water, He used to drink a little from the small pot where it is brought by devotees.

When Yogamba, Utsava Moorti of Matrubhuteswarar, was adorned with a parrot made of gold by some devotee, He took
that parrot and applied it to His eyes and then said the priests to fix it carefully on Yogamba.

Arunachala Siva.

   
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on October 28, 2012, 07:15:29 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Once Chandrasekhara Bharati of Sringeri Math, was plucking flowers from garden on a chill early morning. A devotee
who had come there asked: Mahaswami! You are a self realized Jnani. Should you pluck flowers in the gardens on the
cold morning? Will not someone else do the same job?  Sri Mahaswami said: Just because I am a self realized Jnani,
should I only do eating and sleeping and discoursing?  Can I not do these simple acts of showing bhakti to Mother Saradamba?

Arunachala Siva.
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 28, 2012, 07:18:48 PM
Dear Sir,

Chandrasekhara Bharati Swamigal is conmsidered as an avadhUtA saint. His life is filled with lots of mysteries. Some time, people regarded his as a mad man, and the Mutt people were getting scared and began to worry at his indifference to the world. He was a great saint. AR Natarajan of RMCL has compiled a few books on him.

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on October 28, 2012, 07:29:02 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. He was kept in a closed room with a window. He was always in meditation. The doctors said: Only those who are
saying He is mad, are in fact mad.

Arunachala Siva. 
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 31, 2012, 07:03:12 PM
“In matters of religion, most persons prefer chewing the menu to actually eating the food!”
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on October 31, 2012, 07:39:00 PM
This is what is called Sastra Vasana.

Arunachala Siva.
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on October 31, 2012, 07:52:46 PM
This is what is called Sastra Vasana.

Sir, having sAstra vAsanA is much better than having so many other dangerous vAsanAs :D at least this will not make one fall down!

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 01, 2012, 01:33:22 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. I agree. But this Sastra Vasana is also a hindrance to self realization.

Arunachala Siva.
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 01, 2012, 04:38:47 PM
Dogen Zenji (1200-53), the illustrious Japanese master who founded Soto Zen in Japan in 1233, had four years of Chan training in China from 1223-7. While there, he collected numerous valuable texts, including several major koan anthologies, which he brought with him to his homeland. At some point after his return to Japan, he was asked, “What noble teachings have you brought back?” He replied, “I have returned empty handed!”

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 01, 2012, 05:17:53 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Once a thief came to a zen master's hut and thieved all the simple belongings of him. Next day, people came
to him for consoling. The Zen Master said: What is there? I wish I had given him the moon on the sky if I could!

Arunachala Siva.
         
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 08, 2012, 04:31:08 PM
MIND


Chan master Fa-yen (885-958) interrupted an argument among
some monks concerning the relationship of mind to reality by
posing to them a question: “Over there is a large boulder.
Do you say that it is inside or outside your mind?” One of the
monks replied, “From the Buddhist viewpoint everything is an
objectification of mind, so that I would have to say that the
stone is inside my mind.” Quipped Fa-yen, “Your head must
be very heavy!”


        (http://images.sodahead.com/profiles/0/0/2/3/1/7/8/8/5/Confused-baby-57053939109.jpeg)
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 08, 2012, 05:07:20 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Very nice. When the monk and his assistant were sleeping, the boulder was nowhere to be seen.

Arunachala Siva.
   
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 09, 2012, 11:16:19 AM
A Million

A man trying to understand the nature of God asked him:
“God, how long is a million years to you?”God answered,
“A million years is like a minute.” Then the man asked,
“God, how much is a million dollars to you?” And God replied,
“A million dollars is like a penny. ”Finally the man asked,
“God, could you give me a penny?” And God said,
“In a minute!”


Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 09, 2012, 03:59:09 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Nice humor.

Arunachala Siva.
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 09, 2012, 07:06:25 PM
Two men were arguing about a flag flapping in the wind.

"It's the wind that is really moving," stated the first one.

"No, it is the flag that is moving," contended the second.

A Zen master, who happened to be walking by, overheard the debate and interrupted them.

"Neither the flag nor the wind is moving," he said, "It is MIND that moves."
(http://www.base80.com/tips/clothilde/flag/flag3.gif)
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 10, 2012, 02:21:59 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Nice. Arthur Osborne has written a book titled: Be still, it is the wind that sings.

When at Demboin, Baso used to sit cross legged all day and meditating. His master, Nangaku Yejo, saw him and asked:

What are you seeking here, thus sitting cross legged?

My desire is to become a Buddha!

Thereupon the Master took  a piece of brick and began to polish it hard on a stone near by.

What work are you doing, Master, asked Baso.

I am trying to turn this into a mirror!

No amount of polishing will make a mirror of the brick, Sir.

If so, no amount of sitting cross legged as you do will make you a Buddha, said the Master.

What shall have I do  then?

It is like driving a cart. When it moves not , will you whip the cart or the ox?

Baso made no answer.

(There is no point in body-torturing, the mind should be pure.)

Arunachala Siva.           
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 14, 2012, 07:44:41 PM
Nice story Subramanian Sir, i just saw today! Yes, it is all in the mind, mana eva manuShyAnAm kAranam bandhahmOkShah.



Title: Ordinary mind
Post by: Nagaraj on November 14, 2012, 07:45:44 PM
ordinary mind

Joshu asked Nansen, “What is the Way?” Nansen answered, “Your ordinary mind–that is the Way.” Joshu said, “Can it be grasped (for study)?” Nansen replied, “The more you pursue, the more does it slip away.” Joshu asked once more, “How can you know it is the Way?” Nansen responded, “The Way does not belong to knowledge, nor does it belong to non knowledge. Knowledge is illusion. Non knowledge is beyond discrimination. When you get to this Way without doubt, you are free like the vastness of space, an unfathomable void, so how can you explain it by yes or no?” Upon hearing this, Joshu was awakened.

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Hari on November 14, 2012, 08:20:50 PM
Beautiful Zen stories! Thanks both of you!
Title: Zen
Post by: Nagaraj on November 15, 2012, 07:37:45 AM
Zen teachers train their young pupils to express themselves. Two Zen temples each had a child protégé. One child, going to obtain vegetables each morning, would meet the other on the way.

“Where are you going?” asked the one.

“I am going wherever my feet go,” the other responded.

This reply puzzled the first child who went to his teacher for help. “Tomorrow morning,” the teacher told him, “when you meet that little fellow, ask him the same question. He will give you the same answer, and then you ask him: ‘Suppose you have no feet, then where are you going?’ That will fix him.”

The children met again the following morning.

“Where are you going?” asked the first child.

“I am going wherever the wind blows,” answered the other.

This again nonplussed the youngster, who took his defeat to his teacher.

“Ask him where he is going if there is no wind,” suggested the teacher.

The next day the children met a third time.

“Where are you going?” asked the first child.

“I am going to the market to buy vegetables,” the other replied.


Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Jewell on November 15, 2012, 11:56:40 AM
 :D :D
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 15, 2012, 01:25:11 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

See this poem of Fudaishi (Fu-ta-shih_:

Empty handed I go and yet the spade is in my hands;
I walk on foot, and yet on the back of an ox I am riding;
When I pass over the bridge,
Lo, the water floweth not, but the bridge doth flow.

Arunachala Siva.   
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 15, 2012, 07:03:14 PM
One day the Master announced that a young monk had reached an advanced state of enlightment. The news caused some stir. Some of the monks went to see the young monk. "We heard you are enlightened. Is that true?" they asked.

"It is," he replied.

"And how do you feel?"

"As miserable as ever," said the monk.

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 15, 2012, 07:33:58 PM
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. The state of Enlightenment has nothing to do with the world. The sufferings would continue. Happiness would
continue. Pain would continue. Plaeasures would continue. The Jnani would keep them all less since his mind /body
complex is lost its vigor. And practically absent. Perhaps the monk might have told I am feeling less  miserable.

Arunachala Siva/ 
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 16, 2012, 06:32:33 AM
Bodhidharma sat facing the stone wall. The Second Patriarch of Chinese C’han (Zen), Suika, stood long in the thick snow. Finally, he severed his own arm and presented it to Bodhidharma. He said, “Your student cannot pacify his mind. You, the First Patriarch, please, give me peace of mind!” The First Patriarch replied, “Bring that mind, I will calm it down!” The Second Patriarch said, “I search for it everywhere, but I cannot find it!” Bodhidharma replied, “I have already pacified it for you!”

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 18, 2012, 04:51:55 PM
One day Chuang Tzu and a friend were walking by a river.

"Look at the fish swimming about," said Chuang Tzu, "They are really enjoying themselves."

"You are not a fish," replied the friend, "So you can't truly know that they are enjoying themselves."

"You are not me," said Chuang Tzu. "So how do you know that I do not know that the fish are enjoying themselves?"

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 21, 2012, 10:40:51 AM
A humour that is being circulated in a corporate world:

(http://wfarm4.dataknet.com/static/resources/icons/set11/8b763fb112f2.png) (http://www.wpclipart.com/money/bag_of_money.png)

Theorem :

The less u know, The more money u'll make ..!!

Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Subramanian.R on November 21, 2012, 03:43:04 PM
The Zen Master Hakuin was praised by his neighbors as one living pure life. A beautiful girl whose parents owned  a food store
lived near him. Suddenly without warning, her parents discovered that the beautiful girl was pregnant. This made them very angry.
The girl would not confess who the father was, but, after much harassment, at last named Hakuin! 

The enraged parents went to the Master . 'Is that so?' was all he would say.
After the child was born, it was brought to Hakuin. By the time, he had lost his reputation, which did not trouble him at all, but he took
very good care of the child. He obtained milk from his neighbors, and everything else, the little one needed.

A year later, the girl- mother could stand it no longer. She told her parents the truth -- that the real father of the child was a
young man who worked in the fish market.

The parents of the girl at once went to the Master, to ask his forgiveness , to apologize at length and to get the child back again.
Hakuin was willing. In yielding he child, all he said, was, "Is that so?'

Arunachala Siva.   
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on November 22, 2012, 02:05:31 PM
Our HOPES should be like Hair & Nails. No matter how many times they get cut, they never stop growing.
Title: Re: Zen
Post by: Nagaraj on January 13, 2014, 03:13:50 PM
(http://questprblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/mountain_top.jpg)

when you get to the top of the mountain keep climbing
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on January 14, 2014, 07:53:56 AM
(http://www.thebestbrainpossible.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/421697_10151018968795658_635403176_n.jpg)

"Don’t think that only sitting with the eyes closed is practice. If you do think this way, then quickly change your thinking. Steady practice is keeping mindful in every posture, whether sitting, walking, standing or lying down. When coming out of sitting, don’t think that you’re coming out of meditation, but that you are only changing postures. If you reflect in this way, you will have peace. Wherever you are, you will have this attitude of practice with you constantly. You will have a steady awareness within yourself."
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on January 15, 2014, 09:13:46 AM
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-M4Gkw7GaqXU/Thu4UAmrB3I/AAAAAAAAAPE/0fdaTrhDcjo/s400/8.jpg)

     

"It is extremely hard to rest undistracted in the nature of mind, even for a moment, let alone to self-liberate a single thought or emotion as it rises. We often assume that simply because we understand something intellectually, - or think we do - we have actually realised it. This is a great delusion. It requires the maturity that only years of listening, contemplation, reflection, meditation, and sustained practice can ripen."
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on January 17, 2014, 07:55:13 AM
(http://www.explorevidyayoga.com/images/buddha.png)

     















"Chaos is inherent in all compounded things.

Strive on with diligence"
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on January 21, 2014, 10:39:39 AM
(http://www.picgifs.com/graphics/b/buddha/graphics-buddha-320109.png)

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we
learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and
if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful"
Title: Re: Zen Humour
Post by: Nagaraj on January 23, 2014, 10:32:32 AM
(http://jessicarodgers.net/images/Buddha%20flower.jpg)

"The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear"