Author Topic: Self experienced but no terminology found in SRMs texts for it. Lowest stage?  (Read 809 times)

davidwidmann

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
    • View Profile
Hello everyone,

after studying a few of Sri Ramana Maharshi's texts on self inquiry and having become aware of the so called Spiritual Heart, the outflow of pure consciousness around 2012, I do have a question on what exactly happened here, now a few months ago. Shortly before that I was finishing reading about the stages of Samadhi described in one of SRMs texts, the happening after then went as followed:

End 2015 I said to myself that in 2016 I want to experience the Self. Not knowing how or when, but letting it happen and knowing that it will happen. And I know that when acting in a certain way that can not described but clearly felt, things are set in motion and everything organizes itself so that it happens. Never did this work for me in a material context but always effortless with spiritual interest, discovering what is apparently hidden to our senses and making it appear one way or the other, spontaneously. And so it happened.

I was standing outside of our house in our garden and all of a sudden a wave of knowing overcame me that all of this here clearly is a set-up. I was picturing myself all alone, my father and mother gone and I imagining myself how would I feel without them. The entire idea of my family was not real. And with it all the felt security. There was so much peeling away that I cried and cried and told my parents what happened. It felt like this entire life here became so radicaly empty all of a sudden, but nothing was replacing it. It had it's own king of momentum with it and all just became more and more felt empty. I went around the corner to the other side of our house and wanted to inquiry to whom all this arose and wanted to feel through this immense sorrow. And then it struck me. I knew this feeling from a few years back and there it was again. All ideas collapsed. I was no longer feeling any security in this world, nor limitation. When this first came up I researched and figured out, this is our consciousness expanding or exiting our mental body (please feel free to adjust to your findings and comment). And with it this time a "new sensation" appeared with it and this is the core of why I opened this thread. I suddenly had no longer the perception of a perceived other. With teary eyes I rang the bell of the house of my mother and she opened. And then I saw my Self in her eyes, in her Self. My Self as her Self. And in the perceived world nobody else other than my Self. Being felt as supreme loneliness. My entire body was shaking and I felt as if I wanted to throw up. I sat down in our living room with her and tried to explain but the tremors became so intense that I barely could say anything but still managed to bring across what was happening. Then I saw in her that she did not understand. Here I see my Self in her but she was not able to recognize this Self in me. It was clearly felt. And this was very, very saddening and painful. And then the entire moment became so lucid that one was able to perceive what she was thinking and then saying before she did it and if I wanted to I could speak it with her at the same time. The thoughts in my mind became so out of control that I wanted to seek an end to this and some how looked down my body and felt into it and there was no conception any longer of a felt end, security, nothing to measure and so it broke out in a complete fear of dying. All this was mixed with an unspeakable sense of loneliness and that I should not dare to expand my mind further, because it felt as if it would split into infinite fractures and for the sake of the health of my body I should keep it this way for now. I then went to bed and lay down and here I felt that so much of my surroundings was connected to me, to my gut which was feeling far from pleasant and it all wanted to become one huge negative spiral in which every pain I felt was felt to be associated to any sound around me and I could not else but surrender to it and wanted it to go away. I felt as if my perception, my seeing was more translucent and everything I normally feel to be not so dense any more. It was so overwhelming to the majority in a negative sense but also paired with awe and a deep knowing that something here wants to be purified and attempted again. And so everything went back to my old life. I then googled and came across a women who spoke about the exact same experience but she blacked out and lateron she was put on a stage and is now speaking as Guru.

I did not find any term in Sri Ramana Maharshi's texts about this in particular and so my mind which seemingly wants to continue this for a bit, puzzles together and classifies this as Samadhi but with opened eyes into this world (seeing everything as objectively usual, but with no concept of splitting thoughts and all as Self). There is a root-chakra Samadhi in which the Self is felt but in complete isolation? And so the Self can be felt in all.. chakras as different kind of unified experiences?

The text of the different kind of Samadhis was followed by short dialogue with a western author in which he protested greatly to SRM that nobody warned him about the tremors and the dying process and that this felt as trap to him. Which it did to me too and then I puzzled together bits of experiences I had and in no shape or form was I in a mode of surrender. I was not surrendering to God, to my Source, to all that there is that has brought me forth, like I did spontaneously in 2012 and where this inexplicable sensation came out of my chest, clearly not heart chakra and of such inherent and most perfect witnessed intelligence, power, sense of belonging or home and deep deep meaning, purpose and a quality of mysticism to it, which made birds around me in bushes sing such tones I have never heard before in my entire life and made attempts to bond with me. Nothing of all of this was there when this happened, what I just tried to bring across above.

Does this both, inquiry and surrender, wants to be combined or is there in essence no combination but either the free will choice of surrendering and having the own interest to get to know one's Source and inquiry is just the mental prelude for this actual act and practice and the other side is just a randomly letting it happen which results for the most people in complete fear and the collapse of the psychic energy down to the root?

I am looking forward to your reply and possible sharing of your own experience with the Self.

All the best,
David
« Last Edit: January 05, 2017, 07:12:39 PM by davidwidmann »

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
The following article by Sadhu Arunachala (Major Chadwick) may be of interest to you





The Philosophy of Sri Bhagavan, the greatest of sages, can be summed up in just three words ?There is nothing.? So simple and yet so supremely difficult. ?There is nothing.. All this world that you see, this mad rush of people after money and ?existence? is just a fabricless thought. ?There is nothing.? You, as a personality, as a petty entity striving for your own selfish ends, ever seeking so-called ?Self-Realisation,? are nothing.

You are like the shadow of a leaf cast by the moonlight, intangible, unsubstantial, and in fact non-existent. And, as the shadow is a purely negative phenomenon, is in fact nothing but a shutting out of light, so is the ego and everything else (because everything follows in the train of the ego and is actually a part of it) only a shutting out of the light of the Self.

Sri Bhagavan tells us just one other thing. He says: ?Be. Just be your real Self, that?s all.?

?Certainly, it sounds all right,? you say, ?but when one tries to do it, it does not seem so easy. Has he no method??

Method! Well, what exactly do you mean by method? Sitting on the floor and concentrating on the navel? Or blowing the wind out of alternate nostrils? Or repeating some incantation one crore and eight times? No, he hasn?t got any method. All these things are no doubt good in their way and help to prepare one, but Sri Bhagavan doesn?t happen to teach them.

?Then what am I to do?? You must just BE, he says. And to be you must know the ?I that is.? To know the ?I that is,? just go on enquiring ?Who am I?? Don?t take any notice of anything except the ? I,? throw everything else away like refuse. And when you have at last found the ?I,? BE. All talk, all empty words. ?There is nothing? and that?s the end of it. No method, nothing to discard, nothing to find. Nothing at all is except the ? I.? Why worry about anything else? Just BE, now and always, as you were, as you are, and as you ever will be.

?There is nothing.? You may justly ask ?Who wants this purely negative state??

To which I can only reply: ?It is just a question of taste.? Though, note you, I have never suggested that Sri Bhagavan ever says that the ultimate state after which, it is presumed, we are all striving is negative. On the contrary, when he says: ?There is nothing,? it is obvious that he is speaking about our present egoistic existence, which for us is everything. But this being where there is nothing must obviously be a state which is something. That state is Self-realisation. Not only is it something but it is EVERYTHING, and being everything then logically and philosophically it must be PERFECT.

?If we are already perfect and there is nothing else, what need is there for us to go to Bhagavan?? you ask.

And this reminds me of a story against myself. An Australian journalist came to the Ashram, quite why he came is a mystery, I doubt if he would be able to tell himself.

Anyhow, he did come and in the course of his visit came to see me in my room. It was obvious from the first moment that I was a tremendous problem to him. Why a European should shut himself away in a place like this was beyond his comprehension. He asked many questions but none of my replies satisfied him. How could they? Especially as he had not the first idea of what the Ashram was, or what people were doing here. I didn?t even write, then what on earth did I do? At length he could contain himself no longer and bluntly asked me what I was doing here. Now here was a problem to answer. If I had tried to tell him the truth he would never have understood, that I realized, so making the best of it I just said that here I found peace of mind. I knew it was an inadequate answer but hoped it would stave off further enquiries. He looked at me seriously for a few minutes and then said pityingly: ?Oh I see, I have never been troubled in that way myself?!

All I had succeeded in doing was in confirming him in the conviction that I was insane! And was there not, after all, some ground for his belief? Here have I been spending (?wasting,? he would say) half a lifetime searching for something I already possess. I know that I possess it too, which makes matters appear worse.

?Just BE.? It sounds so easy. Well, Sri Bhagavan says it?s the easiest thing there is. I really don?t know. I suppose it all really depends on how much refuse there is inside. We?re all different anyway and perhaps some of us were handicapped at the start. It?s certain that the rubbish has to come out and the coming out process is full of surprises. All kinds of hidden vices and evil tendencies start to pop up their heads which one never suspected were there at all. But it?s all for the good. Bhagavan says they have to come out. But let them come out, not take charge. Don?t give way to them.

Those who expect Sri Bhagavan to hand them Self-realisation, as if it were some tangible thing, are surely sadly deluded. How can anybody give one what one has already got? All he can do is help one to remove the ignorance that hides it. It is like going to a lake with a cup and sitting by its side praying to it to fill the cup with water. You may sit there for a thousand years but it is certain that unless you lean forward and dip the cup into the water yourself nothing will happen. Even then you have to make certain that the cup is not already full of a lot of residue. Most cups are!

You say: ?If there is nothing, why write??

Yes, why? The whole thing can be summed up in four words: ?There is nothing, BE!? When one understands those four words one understands everything including Bhagavan
himself.

Then there is no more to say!

--
 
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta