Thank you so much Ravi.N, Nagaraj, Jewell, it is so wonderful to have such wise and kind people here to take comfort in. Many thanks again.
I feel refreshed reading these comments, but also a little sad, and or lost, or something, but hope as well!
When I read the words of Sri Ramakrishna, saying there must be 'Intense longing (enables one) to see God', I felt at once sad in my heart, I think it was because I felt I didn't have intense longing, but then I wondered, is not this saddens, the very longing?
I guess I feel like I am in a part in my life where I am 'between two banks' my old life is changing, but I do not see anything in front of me? Or something :/
I think what is worrying me the most at the moment is that, I am to be married soon, and I am delighted about it! But also, I feel as if I have no particular desire for any kind of work! But I must work to support my future family. In fact, it is strange, I feel desireless, yet restless, when I look around I do not see anything I wish to do, yet I am restless to do something!
Or perhaps there is just desire there to be doing something, but nothing in particular, .. he he.. as you can see I'm quite confused!
At night I can mentally wipe away all the things that come in front of me, even comes in front of my mind, can I wipe away 'myself', and be ok with that, and then I do, and I am left in that empty awareness, but I do not stay there for long.
I know that my only true desire is truth, I know this for certain, but sometimes it feels as if that the search for god doesn't 'work' with the world? Or something?
Anyways, forgive me for my ramblings, many many thanks for your replies and help. I do feel in my heart that it is the one thing, in many variations. And when I look back on it, my problems only came about when I tried to think out Sri Nisargadatta view on Reality, which I know he would have emphatically shot down!
So much thanks, so much love,
God bless.
Mark.