Author Topic: Facing Darkness  (Read 3625 times)

hendrik2k1

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Facing Darkness
« on: January 04, 2014, 07:41:13 PM »
I need some help.
The longer I am on the journey to find truth, the more I'm facing some really dark stuff in me.

There arise feelings of utter loneliness, of that I have lost everything in life and that I missed every opporunity in life. It is as when some train is leaving the station leaving me behind at the platform.
It is really hard to describe but it feels commonly as a very strong sadness, coupled with a very intense restlessness to get into social life, find a new relationship and so on.

I need really some advice of what to do about this.
I don't find anything about it in the teaching of sri nisargadatta maharai.  :'(




Ravi.N

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2014, 08:44:37 PM »
hendrik2k1,
Friend,I am posting a letter written by Sri Aurobindo to a Disciple who was facing doubt and despair in Sadhana:

There are two or three things that I think it necessary to say to you about your spiritual life and your difficulties.

First, I should like you to get rid of the idea that that which causes the difficulties is so much a part of your self that a true inner life is impossible for you. The inner life is always possible if there is present in the nature, however much covered over by other things, a divine possibility through which the soul can manifest itself and build up its own true form in the mind and life, — a portion of the Divine. In you this divine possibility exists in a marked and exceptional degree. There is in you an inner being of spontaneous light, intuitive vision, harmony and creative beauty which has shown itself unmistakably every time it has been able to throw off the clouds that gather in your vital nature. It is this that the Mother has always tried to make grow in you and bring to the front. When one has that in oneself, there is no ground for despair, no just reason for any talk of impossibility. If you could once firmly accept this as your true self, (as indeed it is, for the inner being is your true self and the external, to which the cause of the difficulties belongs, is always something acquired and  impermanent and can be changed,) and if you could make its development your settled and persistent aim in life, then the path would be clear and your spiritual future not only a strong possibility but a certitude.

It very often happens that when there is an exceptional power like this in the nature, there is found in the exterior being some contrary element which opens it to a quite opposite influence. It is this that makes the endeavour after a spiritual life so often a difficult struggle: but the existence of this kind of contradiction even in an intense form does not make that life impossible. Doubt, struggle, efforts and failures, lapses, alternations of happy and unhappy or good and bad conditions, states of light and states of darkness are the common lot of human beings. They are not created by yoga or by the effort after perfection; only, in yoga one becomes conscious of their movements and their causes instead of feeling them blindly, and in the end one makes one's way out of them into a clearer and happier consciousness. The ordinary life remains to the last a series of troubles and struggles, but the sadhak of the yoga comes out of the trouble and struggle to a ground of fundamental serenity which superficial disturbances may still touch but cannot destroy, and, finally, all disturbance ceases altogether.

Even the experience which so alarms you, of states of consciousness in which you say and do things contrary to your true will, is not a reason for despair. It is a common experience in one form or another of all who try to rise above their ordinary nature. Not only those who practise yoga, but religious men and even those who seek only a moral control and self-improvement are confronted with this difficulty. And here again it is not the yoga or the effort after perfection that creates this condition, — there are contradictory elements in human nature and in every human being through which he is made to act in a way which his better mind disapproves. This happens to everybody, to the most ordinary men in the most ordinary life. It only becomes marked and obvious to our minds when we try to rise above our ordinary external selves, because then we can see that it is the lower elements which are being made to revolt consciously against the higher will. There then seems to be for a time a division in the  nature, because the true being and all that supports it stand back and separate from these lower elements. At one time the true being occupies the field of the nature, at another the lower nature used by some contrary Force pushes it back and seizes the ground, — and this we now see, while formerly the thing happened but the nature of the happening was not clear to us. If there is the firm will to progress, this division is overpassed and in the unified nature, unified around that will, there may be other difficulties, but this kind of discord and struggle will disappear. I have written so much on this point because I think you have been given the wrong idea that it is the yoga which creates this struggle and also that this contradiction or division in the nature is the sign of an unfitness or impossibility to go through to the end. Both ideas are quite incorrect and things will be easier if you cast them out of your consciousness altogether.

You may refer more such letters of Sri Aurobindo (Difficulties of the Path):
http://www.arunachala-ramana.org/forum/index.php?action=post;topic=8122.0;last_msg=58515

Namaskar.

Ravi.N

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2014, 08:51:27 PM »
hendrik2k1,
Frozen emotions are often the cause of Dense Tamasic darkness.One of the easiest means to break the shackles and dispel the gloom is to listen to classical Music.I recommend the late sonatas of Beethoven beginning with Sonata 29,The Mighty Hammerklavier sonata and onto Sonata 30,31 and 32.I also recommend Mozart's Horn concertos that spread sunshine and cheer.Music has the power to melt the Frozen and recalcitrant outer crust and helps us to plunge into our deeper nature.
Wish you the very Best.
Namaskar.

Ravi.N

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #3 on: January 04, 2014, 09:23:22 PM »
hendrik2k1,
The link to more such letters of Sri Aurobindo is here.:
http://www.aurobindo.ru/workings/sa/24/0011_e.htm
Namaskar.

hendrik2k1

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #4 on: January 04, 2014, 10:16:25 PM »
@Ravi.N

With frozen emotion, do you mean supressed emotion ? Does meditation not help to alleviate this stuff ?

I cannot express it into words, but it FEELS AS I HAD IRRETRIEVABLE LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

silence

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2014, 10:44:09 PM »
@Ravi.N

With frozen emotion, do you mean supressed emotion ? Does meditation not help to alleviate this stuff ?

I cannot express it into words, but it FEELS AS I HAD IRRETRIEVABLE LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Can you be more specific? Is it about losing the girl you love to someone else? Or something related to matters of the heart?

Ravi.N

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2014, 10:56:15 PM »
hendrik2k1,
A suppresed mind seeks an outlet and tries to bounce back through another channel;when all outlets are denied it becomes frozen and gets into a 'dead wood' or 'stone' like shell-totally devoid of any sort of interest and energy.
Meditation is possible only when the mind is yielding,pliable and cheerful.
The Best way to bounce back is to stop brooding over one's lot and engage in any activity which is beneficial to oneself and to others-even watering a plant or feeding an animal will do.In helping others,we only help ourself.
Prayer,listening to Good music are wonderful aids to come out of the shell.
Satsangha or the company of noble souls either through books or in person is a nother powerful aid.
The darkness or seige will end and there will a sense of lightness and cheer,and one will be able to walk the sunny path again.
Wishing you the very best.
Namaskar.

Graham

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2014, 04:37:09 AM »
Dear hendrik2k1,

This is a good sign, not necessarily a bad one. It is a trick of the mind trying not to surrender. We all go through this.

Take a look at your life in full, at the world around you - past, present and future prospects, at the thoughts that afflict you, and then ask if that is truly the love of your life.

In reality you have three choices - first, continue with meditation until it passes, second, immerse yourself in depressive thoughts, or third, return to worldliness and the misery that brought you here in the first place.

Try to remember that 'every thought is meditation' and powerful repeated thoughts bring about the creation of the object of that thought, that is why Bhagavan recommends the 'who am I?' inquiry, which is pure and finally results in the highest siddhi.

No-one ever said that this was easy, this is just one more step on the ladder of attainment.

Graham

hendrik2k1

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2014, 03:00:06 PM »
@Ravi.N

With frozen emotion, do you mean supressed emotion ? Does meditation not help to alleviate this stuff ?

I cannot express it into words, but it FEELS AS I HAD IRRETRIEVABLE LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Can you be more specific? Is it about losing the girl you love to someone else? Or something related to matters of the heart?

It is really hard to describe. But I would say it is like someone really badly breaks your heart and leaves you in sorrow, never to come back.

Dear hendrik2k1,

This is a good sign, not necessarily a bad one. It is a trick of the mind trying not to surrender. We all go through this.

Take a look at your life in full, at the world around you - past, present and future prospects, at the thoughts that afflict you, and then ask if that is truly the love of your life.

In reality you have three choices - first, continue with meditation until it passes, second, immerse yourself in depressive thoughts, or third, return to worldliness and the misery that brought you here in the first place.

Try to remember that 'every thought is meditation' and powerful repeated thoughts bring about the creation of the object of that thought, that is why Bhagavan recommends the 'who am I?' inquiry, which is pure and finally results in the highest siddhi.

No-one ever said that this was easy, this is just one more step on the ladder of attainment.

Graham

Thank you.
This coming back to worldliness is spinning in my mind all the time. It makes so much plans to get out of this dark place like going back into social things.
It asks: "Why do you not go to the next party instead of brooding over the dark things?" or
"Why not find a new better girl-friend to enjoy ?" or
"Why are you sitting in your house and all other people have fun outside?".

It is so hard to resist. Worldliness isn't satisfying in any way but mind tries to argue that it is satisfying and I'm a loser because I don't take part in worldliness.

« Last Edit: January 05, 2014, 03:10:07 PM by hendrik2k1 »

Beloved Abstract

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #9 on: January 08, 2014, 08:13:09 PM »
sad but true .. you can never go home
the good news is we all have the capacity to bear the burden  :)
because at the very heart of this sadness is truth

just for a moment , find this sadness and hold on to it as hard as you can
HOLD IT !  HOLD ON !  HOLD ON !  KEEP HOLDING AS HARD AS YOU CAN .....
... what is your experience ? .... 
i can see the smile on your face from here
ha ha   :)
simply stop telling the story of the self and see who you are without it

ksksat27

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #10 on: July 06, 2014, 06:15:27 PM »
I need some help.
The longer I am on the journey to find truth, the more I'm facing some really dark stuff in me.

There arise feelings of utter loneliness, of that I have lost everything in life and that I missed every opporunity in life. It is as when some train is leaving the station leaving me behind at the platform.
It is really hard to describe but it feels commonly as a very strong sadness, coupled with a very intense restlessness to get into social life, find a new relationship and so on.

I need really some advice of what to do about this.
I don't find anything about it in the teaching of sri nisargadatta maharai.  :'(

the outer events depends on your prarabdha........my advise is if you have unfullfilled desires very strongly no problem go ahead and try to satisfy them....you can come back to serious sadhana even in next life.........................a fruit has to get ripened before it can fall...............no hurry try fulfilling desires and try to find out in exp how tough it is........that is the only way

MarkB

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #11 on: July 08, 2014, 04:44:00 AM »
interesting, i had thought sri nisargadatta had or has addressed quite a few topics, like previously said, your experience is not unusual and can be described as a type of roller coaster ride.  from my understanding, these emotions that are arising should be watched or felt, but know they are not you and are external to your real self, eventually they will dissipate on their own, unless there is some type of attachment to them, in that case discover the attachment and understand or watch that.  your attachment could be believing the emotions are you, understand they are not.  actually i think you bring the emotions to the surface than the mind makes something up to fit the emotion, the same with waking, you awake with a feeling and the mind says 'wait a minute, include me, here is a thought'.  you do not want to suppress the thoughts, and this can sometimes be difficult if one has a tendency to think 'i don't like this thought, go away', don't judge the thought as liking or disliking, just watch.         

if you continue reading the books about sri nisargadatta by jean dunn and belsakar (sp) which i both prefer you will find many of your questions answered, they address many levels except the body/mind problems or situations which he prefers not to address as there are many other avenues to address these. 

it is interesting the subjects sri nisargadatta addresses and how they advance from i am that to the later books.

of course, these are just my thoughts.....     
« Last Edit: July 08, 2014, 04:46:54 AM by MarkB »

ksksat27

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2014, 06:36:26 PM »
Sri Nisarghadatta Maharaj is wonderful jnani.  Many people miss a very important point.  Before reading his teachings through any mode,  conduct a small pooja to his photo and keep Sri Datta's photo side by side.  After the pooja,  you can even give a gap,  one fine day,  Maharaj's teachings will reach you and you will be immersed into it forcibly for a period of time.   Then again you have to start all over again the same process to get his Grace.

Maharaj is simple but so simple that it is difficult to catch hold of his teachings without invocation to his Guru Parampara.

Jewell

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2014, 11:42:21 PM »
Quote
    if you continue reading the books about sri nisargadatta by jean dunn and belsakar (sp) which i both prefer you will find many of your questions answered, they address many levels except the body/mind problems or situations which he prefers not to address as there are many other avenues to address these.  

Dear MarkB,

This is my experience too,with Sri Nisatgadatta's teachings. Reading some of these books i experienced something i never felt before. They have a power to bring me to Self awareness whenever i start reading them,and bring such peace. I find it absolutely amazing. There is some strange power in these words,that it is not even important i understand them or not,i have a feeling they reach the center of my being,absorbing me completely. Like all my senses,sight,that very awareness is completely awake...
I remember that He said how He only plants a seed through these teaching,adressing our very being,and these seeds will for sure give fruits when time is right.

I will warmly recomend His two books,which i find absolutely wonderful and love the most,Consciousness and Absolute,and,I am Unborn. Truly worth reading!

Like Sri Krishna said,Maharaj is a wonderful jnani. His teaching,His way of presenting it,is so beautiful indeed.

Glory to our beautiful Teacher and extraordinary man! So strong,so brave,and yet,so simple.

With love and prayers,

Colin

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Re: Facing Darkness
« Reply #14 on: August 02, 2015, 06:14:26 AM »
I came here today feeling my own darkness, heaviness and inertia. I find this to be periodically quite challenging and at those times I strongly feel lost and alone. It was very refreshing to hear the responses to this posters topic. I appreciate it, for those of us walking this path on our own resources like this certainly help.
Peace and gratitude
Colin
Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Ramanaya