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Author Topic: Subject of Marriage  (Read 24170 times)

Jewell

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #75 on: February 11, 2013, 11:29:39 PM »
Quote
      So, a general question, I have is - we can definitely deal with others' "needs" with compassion/sense of duty, but do we have to give into others' "wants"? With the understanding of happiness that we have, is it necessary to expend ourselves to keep all around us "happy"?   

Dear Deepaji,

This is wonderful observation of Yours,and my answer on this is,absolutely Not. It is quite impossible to make everyone happy,specially when everyine around You have expectation how You should live;and how You should behave. More because,people in general are driven with completely wrong values,and all what we all do is pretty much selfish. I was going through some similar situation,and the moment i desided to say no to demand of others,was the best moment in my life. Sometimes,no matter we do,people will be unsatisfied,and find mire ways to ask this and that. And actualy,we dont do anything,all are live their life in the best way we can,so there is no question of doing something wrong. We cannot please all,and we dont need to,coz,first,they sometimes have some totaly unreasonable expectations,which doasnt have anything with reality of things,and second,we are not here to become comodity,but masters of our destiny.
For me,most important thing is to respect all,to help in the best way we can,to comfort,to give joy,all in all,to be fair and rightous. But,no one have the right to interfere in our life. That is,if You ask me,very selfish and unreasonable expectation. I can give them all,but i cannot sold then my soul. Specialy,when their demands dont have anything with the truth,but are driven with their own fears,expectations,and unfullfiled dreams. So,to do all in the best possible way,to be human and good,but to hold Your integrity and values no matter what. Everything have its limits.
Then,all are bound to follow that,when they see You dont do actualy nothing wrong. And,sooner or later,they all see that,believe me. It is my impression. Also,our goal is most important of all,and for me if someone wants to be free he needs to be free in every way,to shun all chains. When we do that,sure,in best and most painles way,God cleans our path for us. Then,there is no more question of compromise,coz all around us,start sudenly being supportive. Than,puzzle is getting to be solved,and that sure means all will be like it supose to be. We sure dont let go our family to struggle,and leave our duties,which are anyway even just human way,we would not leave even stranger to suffer. That is my thinking and experience.

With love and prayers,
« Last Edit: February 11, 2013, 11:34:24 PM by Jewell »

deepa

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #76 on: February 11, 2013, 11:31:10 PM »
There is no harm
in disobeying your elders for the sake of God. For Rama's sake Bharat did not obey his
mother Kaikeyi. The gopis did not obey their husbands when they were forbidden to visit
Krishna. Prahlada disobeyed his father for God. Vali disregarded the words of Sukracharya,
his teacher, in order to please God. Bibhishana went against the wishes of Ravana, his elder
brother, to please Rama. But you must obey your elders in all other things
.

I like this!!




Vinod

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #77 on: February 12, 2013, 05:07:27 AM »
Talking about Sanyasis, there are also certain set of people who dont want to take any responsibilities & as an excuse adopt an option called Sanyasi. My nephew, he is the only son to his parents who r financially very weak & he did not study well, doesnt do any work & reads all the mythological/spiritual books & preaches his parents not to eat non veg & other things & fails his primary responsibilities being a son.

My friends Uncle is a married guy, also had kids but after few years of married life he left his family & now lives somewhere near parvathamalai hills as a sadhu. So there are certain set of people who adopt spirituality(as an excuse) & become sanyasi to escape from the worldly responsibility.


I wanted to express on the above concerns. There are many who criticize even Buddha, Raghavendra for they left left their wives and small kid in the lurch and became a Sadhu. Perhaps it is not that easily observed in Buddha or Raghavendra because they are famous.

But the truth is, i heard from some wise person is this, that upon extreme dispassion and with the taste of yathartham (fact) they realise  that they are absolutely helpless to care for their family, it is this profound wisdom that makes them leave their family, as they realise what they truly are, unsaid (nothing!)



Dear Nagraj,

People like them are not worth to be compared with such great souls & I understand what you are trying to say here. But the people I have mentioned, they "adopted" spirituality for being lazy, so they can escape from their responsisbility. U can find many people like them these days who are also earning easy money with out bending their backs, which shouldnt be the way.

Buddha & Raghavendra are exceptions & were totally inclined to spirituality. They did not use it as an excuse to escape from the responsibilities. Since it was was their passion/reason to survive they have excelled in it.

Om Arunaachaleshwaraaya Namaha!

deepa

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #78 on: February 12, 2013, 07:13:15 AM »

There are still situations where they are me drawn to Sanyas and not able to participate in grihasthashrama. One example is Swami Shantananda Puri of Vashista Guha who is usually at Ramanashram during winter months. He usually stays in a room behind the samadhis of Major chadwick, Sadhu Om, etc. He waited until his son was settled and his wife could be cared for before taking Sanyas.

It may be a loss for his family, but countless people have benefited from his teaching and guidance.

atmavichar100

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #79 on: February 12, 2013, 07:18:27 AM »
Quote
Dear Nagraj,

People like them are not worth to be compared with such great souls & I understand what you are trying to say here. But the people I have mentioned, they "adopted" spirituality for being lazy, so they can escape from their responsisbility. U can find many people like them these days who are also earning easy money with out bending their backs, which shouldnt be the way.

Buddha & Raghavendra are exceptions & were totally inclined to spirituality. They did not use it as an excuse to escape from the responsibilities. Since it was was their passion/reason to survive they have excelled in it.

Om Arunaachaleshwaraaya Namaha!

Vinod/Nagaraj/Others

If spiritual feelings dominate a person , he/she will have less inclination to work i.e less inclination to be more Rajasic but will have more sattvic feelings . Problem is many people become more Tamasic and mistake it for sattva . A saint and a lazy person will look same from outside i.e both of them will not be very active but a saint will be inwardly awake and alert while a lazy person will be inwardly dull and lazy .
Last Sunday I was listening to Swami Paramarthananda's Gita Lecture on Ch-5 "Sannyasa Yoga" and he said that people taking to Sannyasa without adequate preparation will face a big downfall as in Sannyasa there is no duty / compulsion to earn one's living and unless one is under the Guidance of a Good Guru / Ashram which trains that person systematically in spiritual sadhana ,if that person is left to himself then he will become lazy and develop Tamasic qualities as an "Empty Mind is a devil's workshop" .
That is why in Sivananda Ashram when u join there , they give u lot of work to remove the Tamas first and side by side train you in spiritual sadhana and follow the normal order i.e first convert Tamas to Rajas and then Rajas to Sattva .The same also applies to other Traditional Organizations like Ramakrishna Mutt ,Chinmaya Ashram etc .
So we need to be careful to see that our interest in spiritual matters do not make us more Tamasic and more than that we must not mistake our Tamas as Sattva .
However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? - Buddha

atmavichar100

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #80 on: February 12, 2013, 07:27:20 AM »

There are still situations where they are me drawn to Sanyas and not able to participate in grihasthashrama. One example is Swami Shantananda Puri of Vashista Guha who is usually at Ramanashram during winter months. He usually stays in a room behind the samadhis of Major chadwick, Sadhu Om, etc. He waited until his son was settled and his wife could be cared for before taking Sanyas.

It may be a loss for his family, but countless people have benefited from his teaching and guidance.

Deepaji

You must read Ch-5 of Bhagavad Gita "Sannyasa Yoga" which talks about Arjuna's dilemma between following Karma Marga / Sannyasa Marga .
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 07:40:15 AM by atmavichar100 »
However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? - Buddha

Vinod

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #81 on: February 12, 2013, 08:05:50 AM »
Dear Deepa & Atmavichar,

Thats affirmative!

Om Arunaachaleshwaraaya Namaha

deepa

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #82 on: February 12, 2013, 08:42:42 AM »
Quote
.
So we need to be careful to see that our interest in spiritual matters do not make us more Tamasic and more than that we must not mistake our Tamas as Sattva .

Yes, I agree that I fall a prey to this sometimes. Dropping of some interests leaves us more time free that in turn make me lazy. I set myself some goals to read, learn something new, listen to lectures, etc. if I don't replace old activities with new, I fear i will become too tamasic.

The goal is be silent and still, without feeling restless or sleepy. But not there yet.



Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #83 on: February 12, 2013, 11:01:26 AM »
Television

One who is genuienly serious of spiritual quest, should stop watching television altogether. For such a serious person, whatever station of life one may be in, watching television must be stopped. I believe there is no such thing like moderation for wathing television.

What may help us from watching television? We may ponder.
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #84 on: February 12, 2013, 11:11:58 AM »
Udai, please cease from spoiling the sanctity of this thread. Thank you!
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

atmavichar100

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #85 on: February 12, 2013, 11:24:09 AM »
Television

One who is genuienly serious of spiritual quest, should stop watching television altogether. For such a serious person, whatever station of life one may be in, watching television must be stopped. I believe there is no such thing like moderation for wathing television.

What may help us from watching television? We may ponder.

Nagaraj

I agree that watching excess of TV mindlessly, surfing too much on net mindlessly is quite harmful ( note the word mindlessly ) . The problem is not much on TV/Internet but our reckless and mindless way in which we use them .
I knew a person who claimed that he is very spiritual and removed TV from his house saying he wanted to be away from the harmful effects of TV . But the problem was in office he surfs the net a lot as he was curious of what is happening in the world . He claimed he does not watch Cricket Match on TV but in office he was constantly looking at Cricinfo for Cricket updates when a match was in progress . Actually he is not supposed to surf the net during office hours as the Company is paying him to do the work . After few months he was sacked from his work for being highly unproductive in his work .
Another person I know wanted to cut on his eating by half and started eating only 50% of what he used to eat daily i.e instead of 4 Idlis he started eating 2 , instead of one big bowl of rice he stared eating a half a bowl of rice and so on . But he did not loose weight as he was secretly munching salted cashed / nuts /dry fruits/Chocolates  and I saw lot of dry fruit packs/Chocolates  in his draw . Actually dry fruits /Chocolates have more calories than 2 Idlis or some excess rice .Just because they are in small quantities it is not visible as Calories but as he was hungry the body was seeking other avenues to compensate the hunger in the form of dry fruits and chocolates .
This is the problem with many spiritual people .
Actually if we try to avoid something forcibly ,what we try to avoid will come in another form and trouble us  . So let us be  quite practical and avoid extremes . Once you progress on the spiritual path then many un-necessary things ( basically tamasic / rajasic activities ) will automatically drop by themselves .
I will later share a personal example of Swami Sivananda Himself of how going to extremes early on the spiritual path is dangerous .
However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them? - Buddha

silentgreen

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #86 on: February 12, 2013, 11:25:37 AM »
Hi Nagaraj,

I completely agree with you. Those who are serious will understand and follow it. This is like Brahmacharya.
Homage to the Universal Being...Om Shanti ... Om Shanti ... Om Shanti ...

Vinod

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #87 on: February 12, 2013, 11:48:18 AM »
Dear Atmavichar,

Very beautifully explained with due respect and non offensive way  and esp without making fun of others expressions.

Om arunaachaleshwaraaya namaha
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 12:12:27 PM by Vinod »

Vinod

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #88 on: February 12, 2013, 12:30:25 PM »
Dear Nagaraj,

I forgot to express my gratitude for the valuable suggestion u have shared reg marriage and life.

Many thanks!

Om Arunaachaleshwaraaya Namaha!
« Last Edit: February 12, 2013, 12:33:55 PM by Vinod »

ramana_maharshi

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #89 on: February 12, 2013, 12:40:54 PM »
Anything which is useful for spiritual sadhana is suggested.

Nothing wrong in watching TV once in a while and mainly to watch any spiritual programmes.

Remember even bhagavan glanced newspapers in daily basis and occasionly discussed politics.

Also bhagavan also watched few spiritual movies for a while in the ashram.