Poll

Marital Status

I am Married
I am Unmarried but will eventually get married
I am choosing to remain Unmarried for Spiritual Quest
Undecided

Author Topic: Subject of Marriage  (Read 24169 times)

Nagaraj

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Subject of Marriage
« on: February 08, 2013, 03:20:21 PM »
Friends,

It just occurred to me to bring this topic in order to find out how many are already married and how many are unmarried and how many are thinking of remaining unmarried in-order to lead a spiritual life. May be, the above groups may be able to think and progress on the lines of the group they belong and discuss, maybe, on how to really go from here.

I know, we are all here and we do get some good satsang, but sometimes, it becomes a routine exercise as a part of our daily lives. its also perhaps we can say, an alarm for ourselves, are we really serious about our quest? and if so how to really proceed from where we are. i proposed to raise such topics from the results of this poll.

Your suggestions are welcome. Thank you. Expecting each one of you to exercise your vote.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Ravi.N

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #1 on: February 08, 2013, 04:01:36 PM »
Nagaraj,
I am married and have voted accordingly.I do not get the drift of what you have expressed.I request you to elaborate a little on this.
Namaskar.

Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #2 on: February 08, 2013, 04:11:03 PM »
Thanks Sri Ravi,

yes, my communication is not that good, i generally face this issues and end up having to explain in a better manner.

My objective is to basically bring a clear perspecitive, we all need to plan and address our problems for the betterment.

I have noticed generally, sometimes (not all times) that a married persons perspective some times does not match with a person who is unmarried yet. The spiritual requirement and nourishment of both are actually differing and the reality is truly we do not have direct access to a genuine Guru on hand. The point of view of an already married person in his experience may not match with the point of view of a person who perhaps is thinking seriously in maybe not to get married at all (such ones may have their reasons).

I am not sure if i have been clear enough but hope you have got atleast a jist of what i am trying to bring into light.

based on the results (maybe) depending on the interest of fellow-members, we can open a thread and bring about into light seriously who is truly eligible to remain unmarried if one is qualified so, what steps such a person has to take etc...

on the other hand, it is also noticed the point of view of an unmarried person does not really cater to the spiritual requirement of a married person.

And those who are undecided about their lives, and those who are planning to get married and what they should plan etc...

These are the general points that i wished to take this poll further to.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Ravi.N

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #3 on: February 08, 2013, 04:45:45 PM »
Nagaraj,
Thanks.Except for the outer lifestyle,there is no difference inwardly!
Namaskar.

Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #4 on: February 08, 2013, 04:57:58 PM »
Except for the outer lifestyle,there is no difference inwardly!

Sri Ravi, true, ultimately, this is the final conclusion, but most often this discernment does not really help persons of all all stations in practical day to day affairs, unless one exercises pure will with a steadfast mind.

But, truly we cannot deny that the external lifestyles does have an impact inwardly, unless one is truly Ramana himself. There arises a perhaps requirement of discipline, which is most necessary.

For instance, we are generally over influenced with spiritual ideas and ignore the aspect of changing ones external lifestyle for the betterment believing that everything is internal, and this continues for years without proper progress or may be with just some good feelers in between.

For a serious pursuit of God, certain disciplines are truly necessary, and external modifications and disciplines may be only incidental for inner upliftment, but what i felt strongly is the real need for one to realise that yes, change is necessary, not everything is internal, external lifestyles discipline is essential.

We may be spending hours together in spiritual topics, reading, contemplating etc... but that may not really mean anything.

I truly felt, discipline is very essential. For all stations of life. What should be the discipline is the subject in question, for each station of life.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Ravi.N

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #5 on: February 08, 2013, 05:06:27 PM »
Nagaraj,
Yes,outer discipline is very much needed.What you say is quite in order.The Disciplines are also fundamentally the same based on Dispassion and Discrimination.It is as important for a Householder to master all passions as for a renunciant,if at all he is a earnest seeker.
Namaskar.

Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #6 on: February 08, 2013, 05:16:04 PM »
Sri Ravi,

yes, we have to strive to first be that 'earnest seeker' thank you. That is the aspiration, and we have to ask ourselves if we are honestly striving for it, mostly we will be far from it.

What i meant originally was only that yes, whether a householder or not, all have to master all passions.

What are the disciplines of a householder.
What are the disciples of a person who is yet to get married.
What are the disciples of a person who is choosing not to get married.
What are the points one has to consider if one is uncertain of his life.

Again going back,

We are only just looking back on Dharma of a Householder, brahmacharya. But it is important we get acquainted with this, at least i am very much interested.

Again, i feel we have to distinguish between 'Duty' and 'Dharma' We may fulfil our duty on dot for our ashrama but, what are we all have to achieve (master of all passions), and the means, i felt a need to look into it.

« Last Edit: February 08, 2013, 05:19:56 PM by Nagaraj »
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Ravi.N

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #7 on: February 08, 2013, 05:30:07 PM »
Nagaraj,
There can be guidelines only and one should not put oneself in a straitjacket.I warmly recommend the book 'spiritual Practice' by swami Ashokananda.He has covered these aspects in a wonderful way.You may download it here:
http://www.estudantedavedanta.net/spiritual%20practice.pdf
The Basic instinct that has to be mastered is the Sex instinct;if this is mastered,all the rest are only offshoot of this.This is why Sri Ramakrishna emphasizes 'Kamini' and 'Kanchana'>this is a deep subject and one that every earnest seeker should be aware of,and learn to handle intelligently.This cannot be tackled through any formula ridden approach.The key to this is to live more and more from the core of our being.Yet to reach there also requires a certain mastery over passion.so,it is a tandem approach that one has to take.
Namaskar.

Nagaraj

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #8 on: February 08, 2013, 05:43:10 PM »
Sri Ravi,

Thanks so much, i just glanced thorough this book, truly this is the book i would very much like to read very carefully. I will try and get a book copy too, from Ramakrishna Math. Thank you so much. and yes, i see the importance of your observation, that one should not put oneself in a straitjacket that is the key!

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

sanjaya_ganesh

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #9 on: February 08, 2013, 06:10:32 PM »
So far in this forum, I have never found a discussion where marriage / bachelorship was a hurdle / needing a different path. So I dont understand the need behind this. I agree with Ravi Ji.
Salutations to Bhagawan

Ravi.N

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #10 on: February 08, 2013, 06:40:50 PM »
Sanjaya/Friends,
our friend Nagaraj is a deep and earnest seeker.He brooks no compromises and wants to be sure that none is ever entertained.He is just wanting to make sure that one is absolutely serious about the sadhana.
In general,a vast majority of people have only a passing interest.Fewer still have a sustained interest in matters spiritual.Fewer than these are those who consider it important.Fewer than these are those who consider it as vital.Fewer than these are those who are passionate about it.Fewer than these are those who Live it.
Our friend Nagaraj wants to live it.For all the rest,depending on where they are,teachings of a compromised type are the only staple food!Sri Ramakrishna used to term this as 'Do this as well as that'!
Full marks to our friend here!This sort of a mettle is indeed needed.
Namaskar.


Jewell

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2013, 06:44:33 PM »
Dear Sri Nagaraj,

My opinion is the question of marriage is not question for reason at all. It is not something which can,or should be decided in some dry,reasonable,planing matter. Marriage is the matter of the heart,and heart only. And i believe thats why people dont succeed in marriage these days. They chose to be married from the wrong reasons. Marriage is not some buisniss contract,it is the thing which should come because of love. Then it is simple. If i love someone,and love him truly and deeply,then marriage can be good solution. Then no matter what problems we have,it wont matter,we will survive anything. In good and worse. Specialy because of children. For me,that holds enourmous responsability,and only childrem who come from love can be truly loved and healthy. Love is only reason for marriage. I dont think it should be decided otherwise.
I was strugling myself with that decision for long time,and finaly i have decided that only my heart will decide for such a thing. I can live in both way happily,it doasnt matter. That is my destiny. But that is fir me decision which cannot be handled rationaly. It not supose to be. Love is love. Love is complete trust. No matter what that brings. If it brings hell,then so be it. But i know why i decided that way,i would never look back. If someone chose to marry,it should be long term decision,for the rest of ones life. And if you end up in hell,it doasnt matter. You love,you can bare anything. Love is not expectation,love is total trust,sharing,giving.

And if i never feel love,then best way is to be alone. Marriage will then be a hypocricy. Why should i marry if i dont love. It is doomed already.
In either case,love is the key. And thats Gods decision,not mine.

So,in my case,there is no real decision on my part. It is the heart matter. Then what ever life brings,its good. It is His will only.

With love and prayers,

Jewell

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2013, 07:22:58 PM »
Sanjaya/Friends,
our friend Nagaraj is a deep and earnest seeker.He brooks no compromises and wants to be sure that none is ever entertained.He is just wanting to make sure that one is absolutely serious about the sadhana.
In general,a vast majority of people have only a passing interest.Fewer still have a sustained interest in matters spiritual.Fewer than these are those who consider it important.Fewer than these are those who consider it as vital.Fewer than these are those who are passionate about it.Fewer than these are those who Live it.
Our friend Nagaraj wants to live it.For all the rest,depending on where they are,teachings of a compromised type are the only staple food!Sri Ramakrishna used to term this as 'Do this as well as that'!
Full marks to our friend here!This sort of a mettle is indeed needed.
Namaskar.

Dear Sri Ravi,

Yes,i agree completely that we should be completely devoted to our quest. And if someone thinks he should chose solitary life for the sake of spirituality,than he should chose that. But,for me,if someone feels that way,he will decided it whitin a second. That same decision can be also simple running from something,and i think we should be honest to ourselvs,why are we deciding this,or that way.
Nothing should stand betwean us and this path,and we should never compromise it. But,many times it is not matter of compromise at all...

Also,i would like to add something,on Sri Nagaraj's sentence tha we dont have a living Guru. Althrough i understand what You wanted to convey,i wish to add something.
What is the Guru,doas He lives? What is this life,is it real?
We have a living Guru,dear Sri Nagaraj! We have a Bhagavan! More alive then any of us!!!

With love and prayers,

Jewell

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #13 on: February 08, 2013, 08:00:55 PM »
Dear Sri Tushnim,

How will someone live depend on that one himself,in any circoumstances one is,it doasnt matter. That is correct. And i truly believe that we all live and chose what we must. Our apparent chosing is nothing but illusion. So,everything is the way it must be.
But i am against arranged marriage. Maybe that dont change anything,arranged or not,all is the matter of luck and must. It can be good,it can be bad,no matter it is arranged or not. But i am against that very idea. It is somehow dry,ugly way. It makes marriage a contract,a thing if politics. And how can someone live someone,or raise familly if he doasnt know anything about himself first,or about life. Marriage should not be a matter of society convinience and rules. I would never accept that kind of marriage. No matter how we call it,marriage is betwean people who love eachother,even if they dont live together. That kind of love maybe never happen,maybe it is childish dream,but i will pursue it to the edge of doom. Only that can be callet marriage,all else are only contracts.
It puts almost all marriages to be for wrong reasons,but even this subject cannot be put in some finish matter. It all depend on individual case,all other circoumstances. Good or bad,in the end only God knows.
And,indeed,what ever we chose only marks our progress of spirituality,if we chose it for the right reasons,from the very heart.

With love and prayers,
« Last Edit: February 08, 2013, 08:05:37 PM by Jewell »

ramana_maharshi

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Re: Subject of Marriage
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2013, 08:02:11 PM »
yes agreed with everyone's views.

Even i feel  for spiritual life  (minimum responsibilites) surely is a great aid for which obviously bachelor life has huge advantage.

Simple watch ramana maharshi's life ... he ran from his home and never married though he tried to console few people who want to copy/cat his life style.

But as udai garu said it only destiny ,prarabdha on which our paths are dependent.

Anyways in this i really love bhagavn's statement when someone asked that he wants to run away from his home..

bhagavan said : no dont do that
devotee: then why did u run away and not suggesting the same for others..
bhagavan: If that has been your prarabdha that question itself should not have raisen.

So its clear that only when one is totally convinced and has deep deep vairagya one takes that bold decision and never asks other person's opinions.

« Last Edit: February 08, 2013, 08:13:55 PM by prasanth_ramana_maharshi »