Author Topic: Zen Humour  (Read 10392 times)

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Zen Humour
« on: October 27, 2012, 07:11:17 PM »
One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”


« Last Edit: October 27, 2012, 07:18:00 PM by Nagaraj »
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Jokes
« Reply #1 on: October 27, 2012, 07:13:59 PM »
Q: How many Zen buddhists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three - one to change it, one to not-change it and one to both change-and not-change it.


॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Jokes
« Reply #2 on: October 27, 2012, 07:17:22 PM »
A young monk brought two potted plants into the monastery’s garden while the Zen master looked on. “Drop it,” instructed the master. The young monk gently let down one pot. “Drop it,” again ordered the master. The monk let go the second pot. “DROP IT!” roared the master. The young monk stammered, “But… I have nothing more to drop.” “Then take it away,” said the old master, smiling.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #3 on: October 27, 2012, 07:19:18 PM »
A wise old Zen master, very near death, lay quietly on his mat with his eyes closed, all his disciples gathered around. Kneeling closest to him was his number one disciple, a longtime practitioner who would succeed the old man as head of the monastery. At one point the old master opened his eyes, and lovingly gazed at each and every one of his disciples assembled in the crowded room. Finally his glance rested on his successor, and he managed to speak his last words to the man: “Ah, my son, you have a very thorough knowledge of the teachings and scriptures, and you have shown great discipline in keeping the precepts. Your behavior has, in fact, been flawless. Yet there is one more thing remaining to be cleared up: you still reek and stink of ‘Zen’!”

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Jewell

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6082
  • Love,always love and only love
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #4 on: October 28, 2012, 12:29:31 AM »
 :D

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #5 on: October 28, 2012, 06:23:15 PM »
A young Zen monk was recognized by his teacher as having experienced an initial breakthrough enlightenment (Japanese: satori, kensho). His teacher then told the young man that, for realizing complete, irreversible enlightenment (Sanskrit: anuttara-samyak-sambodhi), he would need to study under a certain wise old master whose small temple was situated in another part of the country. And so the young man set off to meet the old master. After several weeks of travel, he finally arrived at the remote temple. The sentry told him that all the other monks were working at their daily chores, and sent the young man straightaway to the meditation hall to meet the venerable master.

Entering the meditation hall, the young monk espied an old man doing repeated prostrations to a simple statue of the Buddha, softly chanting the name of Buddha Amida (who saves all sentient beings from suffering). The young man was shocked. Having realized from his teacher the basic truth that the Self or Buddha-nature is formless openness-emptiness, utterly transcendent and all-pervasive, he was a bit disturbed to see the old man apparently still caught up in such “dualistic” practices—ritually bowing to an idol and chanting with devotion to a mythical Buddha.

And so he came up to the aged monk, introduced himself, and, from his “truly enlightened” perspective, proceeded to lecture the old man on the futility and stupidity of worshipping mere forms. Finally, his brief rant over, he realized that, having traveled such a long way to meet the “master,” he should probably ask the old monk for whatever wisdom he had to share. “So, old man, what can you tell me about full enlightenment?”

In response, the master smiled, said nothing, and resumed sincerely bowing in gratitude before the statue of the Buddha, gently invoking the Name of Amida on behalf of all beings….

And, in a flash, the young man fully understood the way of true spirituality, and he, too, began spontaneously to bow alongside the old master.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Subramanian.R

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 43530
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #6 on: October 28, 2012, 06:57:04 PM »
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. Enlightenment need not come in the way of Jnanis exhibiting bhakti. In fact, the entire Arunachala Stuti Panchakam,
was composed by Sri Bhagavan after Self Realization.

Whenever some devotees used to bring vibhuti and kumkum, from temples of Madurai, Chidambaram, Tiruchy etc.,
He used to receive them in all  reverence and apply them on His forehead. So with Ganga jalam or Rameswaram
sea water, He used to drink a little from the small pot where it is brought by devotees.

When Yogamba, Utsava Moorti of Matrubhuteswarar, was adorned with a parrot made of gold by some devotee, He took
that parrot and applied it to His eyes and then said the priests to fix it carefully on Yogamba.

Arunachala Siva.

   

Subramanian.R

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 43530
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #7 on: October 28, 2012, 07:15:29 PM »
Dear Nagaraj,

Once Chandrasekhara Bharati of Sringeri Math, was plucking flowers from garden on a chill early morning. A devotee
who had come there asked: Mahaswami! You are a self realized Jnani. Should you pluck flowers in the gardens on the
cold morning? Will not someone else do the same job?  Sri Mahaswami said: Just because I am a self realized Jnani,
should I only do eating and sleeping and discoursing?  Can I not do these simple acts of showing bhakti to Mother Saradamba?

Arunachala Siva.

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #8 on: October 28, 2012, 07:18:48 PM »
Dear Sir,

Chandrasekhara Bharati Swamigal is conmsidered as an avadhUtA saint. His life is filled with lots of mysteries. Some time, people regarded his as a mad man, and the Mutt people were getting scared and began to worry at his indifference to the world. He was a great saint. AR Natarajan of RMCL has compiled a few books on him.

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Subramanian.R

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 43530
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #9 on: October 28, 2012, 07:29:02 PM »
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. He was kept in a closed room with a window. He was always in meditation. The doctors said: Only those who are
saying He is mad, are in fact mad.

Arunachala Siva. 

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #10 on: October 31, 2012, 07:03:12 PM »
“In matters of religion, most persons prefer chewing the menu to actually eating the food!”
॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Subramanian.R

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 43530
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #11 on: October 31, 2012, 07:39:00 PM »
This is what is called Sastra Vasana.

Arunachala Siva.

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #12 on: October 31, 2012, 07:52:46 PM »
This is what is called Sastra Vasana.

Sir, having sAstra vAsanA is much better than having so many other dangerous vAsanAs :D at least this will not make one fall down!

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta

Subramanian.R

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 43530
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #13 on: November 01, 2012, 01:33:22 PM »
Dear Nagaraj,

Yes. I agree. But this Sastra Vasana is also a hindrance to self realization.

Arunachala Siva.

Nagaraj

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5130
    • View Profile
Re: Zen Humour
« Reply #14 on: November 01, 2012, 04:38:47 PM »
Dogen Zenji (1200-53), the illustrious Japanese master who founded Soto Zen in Japan in 1233, had four years of Chan training in China from 1223-7. While there, he collected numerous valuable texts, including several major koan anthologies, which he brought with him to his homeland. At some point after his return to Japan, he was asked, “What noble teachings have you brought back?” He replied, “I have returned empty handed!”

॥ शांतमात्मनि तिष्ट ॥
Remain quietly in the Self.
~ Vasishta