Author Topic: no hundred percent faith for me  (Read 2033 times)

ksksat27

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no hundred percent faith for me
« on: August 01, 2011, 09:25:40 AM »
Hi All,

This may appear strange for many here,  but no matter how you feel, this is how it is for me. 
I may write beatuifully about Maharishee or death or Arunachala, but deep with my heart, very deep within my being,  this is how I am.  Not sure how many resonates with me, but who all resonates like below, please come out and reply.

Even though I have come to Maharishee and saying that I surrender,   when I deeply question myself, I always always find that my faith is not hundred percent on Ramana Maharihsee or even Ishwara.

That does not mean I doubt him always,  but neverthless doubts on the goal, sadhana do arise in me all the time.

So that means,  my faith is not 100% on either my Guru or Ishwara.  But still I will mostly do japa of my Gurus name and self enquiry is only at times when I feel a natural ease for it.

I pondered over this and got depressed time and again about this fact that I am not having 100% faith on my Guru.
I would pathetically try to cultivate faith and surrender artificially,  but I found that the doubts increases more as I try to have artificial faith.  But neverthelss,  my japa on the Gurus name will continue no matter if I do it with faith and devotion or not.

Then all of a sudden one day, I dont know which day,  but one day it occurred to me like this:

I said to myself:

i)  You dont have control over lust.  You dont have control over craving for pleasure.  You dont have control over anger. You dont have control over your fears.   When all this are like this,  how will you expect that you will have 100% faith on  your Guru?

Dont expect faith.  Worse, dont expect that you can cultivate faith artificially.  If you dont believe your Guru,  accept that fact.
Dont shy away from it.

Now ok, you have accepted that you dont have full faith on your Guru's grace.   What is the next step?  What are you going to do about it?  Again , dont go back to cultivate faith business.   Just do nothing about it.  Yes,  you are not even capable of having faith in Guru. But somehow you have arrived here.  Let your japa continue.  That also just happens by some force,  you wont be capable of doing that also, given that all the above things you were not able to achieve.

So the japa goes,  leave the faith business to the Guru.  Dont bother if you have faith or not.  It is not in your hands,  infact nothing is in your hands,  you are capable of nothing. 

This japa itself is Guru's grace.  Let all other things be taken care by him. If it is written that you will never have peace of mind and complete faith,  just leave it,  leave it to the Guru's grace. 

The only property you have is your Gurus name. So dont lose that.  Do that japam.  Whatever happens, do it.  Now you have felt your worthlessness, dont be ashamed about this faith business.


After this strange aspect occurred to my mind in one of my meditations,  nowadays I dont press much for getting 100% faith. I just take very moment as it comes and not fighting with my mind.


Subramanian.R

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2011, 03:13:21 PM »


Dear Krishnan,

In the beginning 100 percent faith or 100 percent surrender may not be forthcoming. Does not
matter. One should pursue his japam or enquiry which shall increase the faith in due course,
by the grace of Guru.  But if you stop faith or stop surrendering - then you may not be able to
achieve results.



Arunachala Siva. 

nonduel

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #2 on: August 02, 2011, 11:08:21 PM »
Dear Krishnan,

Ramana Maharshi:
"The state of Self-realization, as we call it, is not attaining something new or reaching some goal which is far away, but simply being that which you always are and which you always have been."

All your dilema and your questions sprout from the mind. YOU, are NOT, the mind.

Thoughts surge in an unending chain, but they are not yours, jut let them pass unattended by returning to the Self.

Love


Oh Arunachala, blazing fire of Jnana, in my heart I pray and think of Thee from afar, root out the ego, merging me in the Self.

Subramanian.R

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #3 on: August 03, 2011, 10:14:53 AM »


Dear non duel,

Welcome back after a long long gap. Yes. All our efforts and miseries
and happiness arising out of them, are mental. Self realization is
experiential.  Mind has no role there. Mind remains as a uncared moon,
on a bright sunny day!



Arunachala Siva,

ksksat27

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #4 on: August 03, 2011, 10:49:16 AM »
Thanks for both of your replies.

Until that Sunny day, however , this dark cloud is the only thing infront of me.

If one abides as the Atman, it is all right. Nothing matters then.
But until that,  what I know is only doubts and the constant struggle with desires and fears.

One who surrenders to his Guru,  he is saved,  it is very rare indeed.  The charan amrita of the Guru.

kde

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #5 on: August 03, 2011, 01:20:53 PM »
As nondual points out all doubts are belonging to the mind, that which your calling the me. But that is not what you are, it's just a process. Now it's hard not to identify with that, hard not to see that as you. I think self enquiry is the best way to know what you are, and what your not.

Subramanian.R

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #6 on: August 03, 2011, 01:48:08 PM »


Dear krishnan,

Even in surrender, Sri Bhagavan has given a concession.  He says:
You do partial surrender first.  And then improve on it by total surrender
and submit your ego totally to the Self. First surrender for material
benefits, then surrender for spiritual progress, and finally surrender for
simply God's sake. This is total surrender.



Arunachala Siva.     

matthias

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Re: no hundred percent faith for me
« Reply #7 on: August 03, 2011, 09:06:22 PM »
dear krishnan

thank you for your honesty. I think subramanians last answer is very fulfilling.

Personally for me its like, there is the ever-present grace of the divine, in the form of bhagavan or any other guru,siddha saint of any tradition. does not matter too much.

in fact we are bathed in grace and love, and in fact we are that. god-guru-self is one, thats what the vedanta is teaching right?

on the other hand as you and all of us experience here is that we are limited beings. we are not jet buddhas or fully realized our potential and love. there is suffering. we can say, "suffering is just an illusion" sure, why not say that. but does it end our suffering?

the goal is to realize that we are actually complete whole and perfect bliss since time without beginning.

right now when we seem to not be that, because we are attached to our bodies, and mind.
we should work with what is right in front of us. we should pacify our suffering, the supreme remedy is to be as you are and don't alter anything of your experience just a BIG YES to all that is there.

for other problems, worldly, mental, spiritual there are many methods, upayas skillfull means, thought by the buddhas, and god realized people.

what helps me to reduce suffering is to breath mindfully, be in touch with my body, relax, and again relax. its very easy but you see first thing is we have to be healthy human beings. functional, happy and at ease, then we can let go of our selfes and rest in what is.

but you have surely your own method that helps you, and you use it very wisely.

so we just continue for the sake of all sentient beings with our practice.

love
matthias