Dear i,
yes, it is so,
"If even such subtlest (one billionth of the so called present moment) past and future moments are not attended to, and if we try to ascertain what is in between these two imaginable subtlest moments, we will find that nothing can be found as an exact present moment. THUS THE CONCEPT OF THE PRESENT TIME ITSELF DISAPPEARS, BEING NON-EXISTENT, AND THE BEING, OR THE SELF-EXISTENCE—SATCHDANANDA—ALONE WILL SURVIVE.
present out of the three times—past, future and present, and the first person out of the three persons—first, second and third person, are the root conceptions and Sri Bhagwan has taught that if they (first person or the present moment) are sought, these two basic conceptions will disappear, losing their existence. Only the Swarupa, or the Being, or the Screen, or the ever existing, one whole and infinite Self alone remains and shines."yes, i do discern that time is merely an idea and there is really no time, no moment, though, i am able to see this, i wonder, and ask myself, what is this 'urge to do' anything for really?
yes, what Bhagavan has said strikes a chord from within -
“There is no time for the Self. Time arises as an idea after the ego arises. But you are the Self beyond time and space; you exist even in the absence of time and space” Talk—625i realise, that what we call our natural karmas, duties is really, factually very very little, once after fulfiling the karmic duty, when i remain, i observe that it is my predispositions which try to push me out, like i mentioned to you, in my previous post, i wanted to know what happened to Abdul Kalam, whether he has any chance to become the president, switched on the television, then i restrained, trying to assimilate the 'Jnana Bodham' mass of knowledge, then, i remain for some time, and then, i proceeded towards my books, where as well, i restrained, as what more is there to read? than this? and i remained, and, i remained for some moments, and it followed, that, knowledge is not something, that is to be practiced, like Japa, but, there was this urge to do, to act, but, there is no end, there is no desire to act, meaning, the urge to act doesn't seek fruit at all, but yet, i wonder, why this urge remains? which is why, i logged on to forum and wrote here, my previous post.
Bhagavan has said somewhere, தண்ணில் இருக்கும் சுகம் (Tannil irukkum sukham) the bliss of being as self within, as it is. That is to see subtly, it means, there is no urge here. So to say, this is the primordial i the first i thought is originating here as some form of urge.
Even after realising that there is nothing to 'get' out of any act of this 'i' this first 'i' that is emerging, as some form of urge, itself is arising only out of predisposition alone, and, not out of ignorance, there is a burning sensation here, because, it knows, very clearly, there is no end to meet, no fruits to obtain by emerging, as 'i', it knows, when it says, 'urge' or the desire for emerging out is zeroed out, for it is never going to meet its end again, the urge is never ever again going to be fulfilled.
Slowly and steadily, it is being stripped naked, robbed off, all its possessions, power, will, everything, which is why, perhaps, there is this burning sensation, the first 'i' that is emerging is seeing its own insignificance anymore, it is no longer having the clout, which previous it was sporting about, with a sense of pride, its own possession. But, it is no longer relevant.
my question here, is, basically, to put it in a nutshell, it is பிடிவாதம் (Adamant) of the first primordial 'i' in giving up, completely. It itself knows very well, that it cannot last anymore, the darkness cannot touch the sun, but, like a small child, from whom we take away the chocolates, it remains so, with some kind of adamant, being unable to let go, even though IT VERY MUCH KNOWS. Because, slowly, it realises that even the ground on which it is standing is no longer facilitating, it is hot, very hot, it can't even stand here, so, it is like, it has emerged, is unable to remain, as well, yet, it still remains, emerged, goes within, emerges, goes within, emerges, again and again and again. The emerged 'i' as well does not proceed further than from the position of emergence, for it knows very well, it is not going to meet its end, it will no longer get to fulfill its desires, yet, it is emerging, and dancing in hot plan, as the pan is so hot!
It is asking here, as follows -
How can 'i' or 'you' facilitate me a smooth death, ie merging to source. --> by this, i am not even literally asking for a solution, perhaps it is just a way of putting it, something like a metaphor or like an analogy. Just in some way, the expression is finding itself out! It is well aware, that there is really no death or merging, these are only the fears of the emerged 'i' which is truly non existent, Bhagavan goes further saying, enquire further where from this 'i' has emerged, and it will merge in the source. This cycle keeps happening again and again.
i am not sure, if i have written neatly, i hope, you would be able to get a grasp of what i am trying to convey

thank you
Salutations to Bhagavan