Quote from Sri Anand:
"Can you share with us , for our enrichment as to how in this period ,you went deeper with your self enquiry, juxtaposing with work as needed to be done. THis may help us all in our sadhana.
On a personal note I am not able to make much progress with self enquiry though not a day goes by without me reading something about Bhagavan.I am somehow unable to still avoid the whom are these thoughts,me who am I routine used by me to make atleast some attempt however miniscule in the practice of self enquiry since I am not able to discern or hold onto the "I thought " clearly enough .Any practical tips on this front will really help."
Dear Sri Anand,
That we are seized with a divine fervour to discover the Atma-swarupa or the Self is itself an Act of Divine Grace. Is it not? The thought of God or the Self is divine fervour. We should not doubt that it is His Grace that we are on the Path in the first place. Sri Bhagwan has assured that the Self-enquiry is an adequate as well as an infallible method for the Purpose. Has He not? Therefore, there is no need to worry.
Dear friend, Sri Anand, when a devotee performing Self-enquiry complained similarly that he was not able to make progress, Sri Bhagwan replied, "How do you know that you are not making progress?" Therefore, the Guru alone knows. However, as far as progress in Self-enquiry is concerned, Sri Bhagwan has taught that degree of absence of thoughts is the measure of success in Enquiry. So, when we sit for enquiry either in the slotted or fixed time or engage ourselves in the practice wherever we are and whatever we are doing, and if there are progressively less and less distracting thoughts to swerve us from the Self-attention, then we can rest assured that we are making progress in Enquiry. Besides, we must understand that nothing is obtained to be afresh. It is only the removal of ignorance. Sri Bhagwan once remarked, 'What kind of progress can be expected in the quest for the Self?'
Dear Sri Anand, you have mentioned in your post that you are not able to discern or hold onto the 'I'-thought clearly enough. In my own case, I never tried to discern the 'I'-thought. Wherever I am, wherever I go, whatever I am doing; first, I am. Who am I? All we have to do is to hold the 'I'-ness or 'I Am'-ness or the 'I'-consciousness or the sense of being. It is the one irreducible datum of all our experiences. Is it not? Yes, we cannot deny. Therefore, when we cling to that consciousness (i.e. consciousness 'I'), we gradually bring upon it greater and greater intensity of concentration and attention. As a natural consequence, we go deeper and deeper, we gain more and more clarity, AND WE ARE MORE AND MORE FIRMLY ESTABLISHED OR FIXED IN OUR EXISTENCE-CONSCIOUSNESS, destroying tendencies, for then there is no one to attend or care for them. AND LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST, 'I'-THOUGHT BECOMES CLEARER AND CLARER FOR OUR INSPECTION. We realise the truth of the statement that the ego comes up holding only us (the Self). THEREFORE, OUR DUTY IS TO HOLD OURSELVES AND THE FICTITIOUS AND FALSE 'I'-THOUGHT OR THE EGO WILL VANISH. Remember, seeking the Source from where arises this 'I'-ness or 'I Am'-ness is the dynamic element in the great Quest.
Dear friend, you have also mentioned in your post that you are still not able to avoid 'to whom?', 'to me?' and 'who am I?' sequence. This, in my view, is no cause to worry about at all. It is just a contrivance to return to Self-attention, if it has been lost due to rise of a distracting thought, and when one becomes aware of the lapse. Just keep on performing Enquiry as has been taught by Sri Bhagwan Himself. Path Itself will show you the light. However, I would like to caution here that one must not make excessive effort to do away with what one perceives to be undesirable and strain oneself undesirably. With sincerity, earnestness and perseverance, I am cent percent certain that everything will be right in due course.
I have read that some even wait for the next thought to come up so that they can fling 'to whom?', 'to Me?', 'who am I?' questions at the risen thought as if they are sitting to hold a court of enquiry, calling one thought after another. Yes, of course, it is futile and is certainly not the right attitude to perform Self-enquiry.
Dear Sri Anand, as for me, I do not know what to say. What I have written above, they all hold good for me as well. However, I do not have any fixed time, self-allotted, to perform Self-enquiry. Mind is fascinated with whatever it is experiencing and is thus within the magnetic field of the Self, and therefore, mostly, seeks and attends the Atma-swarupa, of its own accord. BOTH CURRENT OF AWARENESS AND SELF-ATTENTION PERSIST IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. For instance, often now, I feel that I am waking whole night, and on waking up, I find that I had been, in fact, soundly asleep, and experienced freshness and happiness of the sound sleep. But nevertheless, for sure, I am aware that in truth, 'I', the Self, do not sleep, but simultaneously, I do not remember anything, meaning that the mind remained merged in what is called nescience. Therefore, all I can say, at this stage, is, I am getting more and more firmly established in my existence-consciousness, the pure 'I AM'-NESS, at the Core of my Existence, and have the Foretaste of the ensuing bliss. 'Reaching' aspect of my sadhana, by His Grace, is coming to an end. However, 'abiding' aspect remains. Sri Bhagwan has taught that abidance alone obliterates the last vestige of the hidden and entrenched predispositions. I didn't wish to say all these things for myself, but since you asked so sincerely and earnestly, and words came spontaneously, I wrote what I have written above. Such is Sri Bhagwan's Grace!
Remember, perseverance is the key to open the door of success in Enquiry, but please, do not stretch yourself, allow Sri Bhagwan's Grace to act and steer you clear of all obstacles on the Path. Thanks very much my dear friend, Sri Anand.
Pranam,
Anil