Author Topic: Should a householder discard(ignore) his wife for devotion to god?  (Read 1937 times)

ramana_maharshi

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Firstly i want to share bhagavan's views regarding householder asking to become sanyasa.

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Sri Bhagavan: Why do you think you are a householder? The similar thought that you are a sannyasi will haunt you even if you go forth as one. Whether you continue in the household or renounce it and go to live in the forest, your mind haunts you. The ego is the source of thought. It creates the body and the world and makes you think of being a householder. If you renounce, it will only substitute the thought of renunciation for that of the family and the environment of the forest for that of the household. But the mental obstacles are always there for you. They even increase greatly in the new surroundings. Change of environment is no help. The one obstacle is the mind, and this must be overcome whether in the home or in the forest. If you can do it in the forest why not in the home? So why change the environment? Your efforts can be made even now, whatever be the environment.

Below question-ere is only for gruhastas who are already married by prarabdha like me,Subramanian R, Uday(?) and rest all who are already married only.

Option 1) Do you think we need to ignore our family(wife,children) as we think they are obstacles and have more luxury,time to dedicate more on god?

Option 2) Do you think we can balance being a good householder(if already) and show our devotion and respect to god and scriptures?   Perfect Example :  Subregister Narayana Iyer,Mungala Venkataramaih,Vijayawada Mahalakshmi Amma.....

Option 3) Do you think we need to continue being a householder(if already) and once if by prarabdha wife dies then jump in joy that we have lot of free-time and continue our austerity,devotion towards god? Reason why i raise this option is i have read few ramana maharshi's devotee's experiences and i got the impression that as though they are very happy and like a free-bird when by prarabdha their wife died.

Option 4) Do you think all this discussion is waste of time as famous quote of guru ramana to his mother says "What ever is destined to happen will happen" ?

My Option:  I will go with option(2) though i know that option(4) is afterall true as we really cannot force anyone to not to do anything.
« Last Edit: April 22, 2010, 08:21:37 PM by prasanth_ramana_maharshi »

ramana_maharshi

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Well said udai garu.

That which appears [whatever it may be], let it appear; that which disappears [whatever it may be],
let it all disappear. What [loss or gain] is it to Self-knowledge?  -  GURU VACHAKA KOVAI

Subramanian.R

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Dear prasanth,

Bhagavan Ramana never advised His devotees to leave their
family including children.  He told them a gruhastha is as fit
as a celibate to attain Self realization.

Unless gruhastha is there, how can the Sannyasi get his food?
Saint Tiruvalluvar says that the house-holder doing all his dharma
will attain liberation.  Unless a person becomes a Sannyasi even
without entering into householdership, it is then fine and he will
be helping the whole world by his teachings.

In fact gods themselves are gruhustas, some of them like Muruga
having two wives and Krishna having eight wives.  Devotees say
that these wives are all having esoteric meanings like Kriya Sakti
and Jnana Sakti etc.,  But, all said and done, they are all married.

Saint Manikkavachagar says in Tiru Chazhal:

One girl asks: "How come your God is having a wife on his
left side and another one, on his head?" 

The other girl replies:  "If he does not have wives, then the world
will never know the true nature of the world, where dharmas flourish
only through householder!  The ascetics will never get food which
will help them to live and teach the truth of self realization!"

I am married and my only son got recently married.

Arunachala Siva.       

ramana_maharshi

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Excellent explanation Subramanian garu.

I agree 100% with your below statement

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Unless a person becomes a Sannyasi even without entering into householdership, it is then fine and he will
be helping the whole world by his teachings.

But on the other hand Once you are married and if your wife wants some time to be spent with her then i feel it is our basic responsibility to respond to her requests. If we feel we are completely lost in personal life then at least tell the other partner of our interests and if she is never interested in all these devotional activities worstcase atleast take divorce is my opinion.

amiatall

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Re: Should a householder discard(ignore) his wife for devotion to god?
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2010, 11:47:40 PM »
I am going for number 4)  :D

I haven't quite yet understood why people think that self-knowledge has anything to do with this whole appearance? I mean whole: body, material etc.

To my mind, the effort brings misery in such matters. One still tries to be something so one thinks that one should go away, or stay, or get unmarried, or married, or thinks what one has to do after this or that happened... still in the round circle.
So the process of becoming or is the root of such misery.